In April 2012, I was diagnosed with Stage IV Hodgkin lymphoma. My toddler was 1 year old. I was a single mother and this cancer had imposed itself into my world at one of the most beautiful moments of my life. The doctor indicated to me that the only effective treatment was a course of prescription drugs and very aggressive chemotherapy.
I was breastfeeding my toddler at the time and I was her primary caregiver. The aggressive chemotherapy would mean that I had to stop breast feeding as well as deny myself and my toddler crucial bonding time (as a result of the aggressive chemo therapy). I understand and respect the amazing results and advances that chemotherapy has made in the treatment of cancer and I will never want to dissuade anybody from not following doctors’ orders in the treatment process.
I made a personal choice based on my needs at the specific time in my life. I did not want to lose my strongest asset (my mind) during this period and miss out on the crucial bonding with my toddler ( as I waited for a baby for 10 years). I also had childhood memories of my dying aunt painfully going through chemotherapy. I bravely opted out of the treatment programme.
My strategy was simple,” Ask, believe and receive”. All the great new age guru’s from Deepak Chopra to Wayne Dyer seem to have this great recipe to acquire “your dream life.” The “secret” seemed to have created a cult following of “get rich quick and effortlessly”. The infamous R112 million lottery winner, manifested the lotto in USA by using the above mentioned principles.
I think the first part of asking, is easy enough. You simply ask for whatever your heart sings for. I asked, “to heal my body, making very deliberate intentions to not mention the dreaded C word. If it was as easy as asking then, we would all be living our dream life.
The second part “believe” was to prove the most difficult aspect of this theory and I think it’s the reason that we all don’t get to win the lotto jackpot when we ask for it. In order to believe, you have to feel as if you already have it in this present moment.
When the pain in your chest is cutting through your entire being as if a thousand knives is stabbing in your body, when it takes great effort to walk a few steps, when you feel as if you have climbed mount Everest every time you pick up your toddler and a screaming doctor who tells you that if you don’t have chemotherapy, you will die, it is extremely challenging to believe that you will get better.
I approached the problem as I would approach any work related problem that needed to be resolved ( as I am in the business of finding effective solutions). As a first strategy, I took the drastic step to not make a big announcement regarding my state of health. I only confided in a few people (4) whom I believed would believe in my strategy to healing.
My strategy in not telling everybody was to assist me in cementing my belief that my body is healed. I knew if I made this huge announcement, the pity party would visit me and I would wear cancer patient as my new identity.I did not want an inflow of people visiting me to pay their last respects nor did I want to deal with everybody’s grief or criticism for not following the conventional route.
It was easier to start the "believing" process when everybody else around me, still saw me in the same light. The people that I did tell had limited interaction with me (accept 1 person who was blessed with a particular “persona “that allowed him treat me as if I was the same strong self sufficient, independent woman).
I continued breastfeeding (one of my greatest joys and gifts to my baby), I single handedly looked after my toddler and just continued with life as usual. It was extremely challenging. I had moments of mental and physical exhaustion, of breaking down into fits of hopelessness, there were moments when my physical body threatened to give up on me but I never gave up on the notion that my body is healed and there is nothing wrong with my body so I had to live my life as the challenges presented itself.
During the difficult days, I increased my meditation and I watched back to back comedy movies to keep the mind in a positive mode.
The "believing process" is the most challenging aspect of the law of manifestation and it is in this, process that many of us fail to acquire the desired effect. In order to believe, you have to develop a strong and disciplined mind over which you are in control.
The eastern religions refer to an untrained human mind as the “monkey mind.” The effective manner that I found to control the monkey brain is through three ways; meditation, prayer and to conduct a root cause analysis of the limitation values that prevented me from authentically believing that I will heal.
Mediation seemed to take my mind to a level of peace and calm where I could make the physical pain disappear (most of the time) and belief in a higher force seemed to provide the stamina I needed to train my mind and make the “believing aspect” of the law of manifestation easier to grasp and easier to follow as part of my strategy.
I also convinced myself that the various diets introduced to me through research and friends were working in my best interests. I religiously consumed apple cider vinegar, drank only raw vegetable juice for months at a time consumed copious amounts of lemon juice.
My root cause analysis revealed that I did not hold any limitation beliefs related to health. As a child, I never visited a doctor every time I got sick nor did I take conventional western meditation at the first sign of a cough or a sneeze. My parents and my grandmother always had a cure that came from a plant in the garden and I was not allowed to be absent from school as a result of illness unless it was extremely serious. This served as one of my greatest assets in my journey to health and healing.
I visualised telephoning my parents and telling them I was in remission and I drafted a post for my facebook status.
The next principle” to receive” proved to be as challenging as the “believe” principal. Most of us have been brought up to believe in order to have a sound ethical system; we should not believe that we deserve anything more than any other person. In this belief system, comes the notion of not feeling special enough to get everything that we deserve, that there isn’t enough of everything that we need in the world. We incorrectly believe we should not pray for ourselves but for everybody else.
I found it difficult to receive when I heard that my cousin and a close friend were also diagnosed with cancer. I would find the most ridiculous problems of the world to compare my situation to, “Children are starving, and women are being raped so violently. It seems that everybody has bigger problems than my problem. I, like most of you never did this consciously, so it became part of the bigger problem until I made a conscious effort to believe that I like everybody else is deserving of help and healing no matter how big or small I perceive my problem to be.
I had to also believe that the universe is an abundant source of everything that I desire and get rid of my guilt notions for wanting what I desire.
I am in remission one year later. Henry ford said, “whether you believe it is true or don’t, either way you are right.” I think he understood the law of manifestation perfectly.
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