Pity poor Satan! The dude really has the worst reputation. He gets blamed for everything. From corrupt politicians, to murder, to heavy metal music to…...the Boks losing the Rugby on Saturday. Yup. The devil plays rugby. The theory is that the All Blacks bewitched their opponents with the Haka, a Maori war-dance, which is not Christian. Therefore it’s evil. Therefore, the Devil is responsible. Perfectly logical right? Right.
Satan’s been held responsible for everything bad happening in the world since he persuaded poor, submissive Eve to eat that apple. Or pomegranate. Whatever. Had that woman been Adams’ first wife Lilith, she would have laughed at the thought of doing what a slimy liddle snake told her to. (What? You’ve never heard of Lilith? She was, according to Jewish mythology, Adam’s first wife, also fashioned from the earth. Unfortunately for Adam, she refused to lie beneath him during sex and leaves him. Thus becoming the first Feminist of the Abrahamic faiths. Go her) but I digress. Let’s go back to the beginning, shall we? Right back. To when God made the world, not too long ago, about six or seven thousand years ago if the Young Earth Theorists are to be believed. (Pah! What do archaeologists know anyway?)
So God creates Heaven and Earth. In Heaven are the Angels. Pretty, pretty Angels and the loveliest of all was Lucy, short for Lucifer. (Actually Genesis doesn’t refer to him as Lucifer, this name only appears in Isaiah. In fact the word “Satan” first appears in the book of Job and the word “Devil” in the New Testament. Not inferring that Lucifer was framed. Just saying) So Lucifer was God’s most beautiful Angel, His bright shining star. (Which the name Lucifer means in Latin) Only problem was this bright, shining star got a bit full of himself and planned a coup to take over Heaven. God was having none of that and cast Lucifer and his co-conspirators out.
So Lucifer is roaming earth plotting his revenge (we presume) and comes across Eve hunting and gathering while Adam lies at home, naming the animals which is his sole function. (Bang up job he did there. Platypus? Really? What was he on?) Lucifer, in the guise of a serpent, tempts Eve to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.
Eve skips back to Adam happily with her booty and gets him to eat it too, probably with the words, “I didn’t slave in the forest all day for you not to eat!” Eating the apple (pomegranate, whatever) opens up their eyes to all kinds of stuff. (Omigod! We’re naked!). God screams at them, “What have you DONE?” and Adam points at Eve saying “She made me do it” (which really sets a precedent for all his descendants to utter these words every time they’re found to do something wrong) and Eve points at the serpent, now slithering away happily.
This action had devastating results for humankind. Women would be in pain for generations to come, thus ensuring the invention of the Gynaecologist, sets Eve up as the first ever Fashion Designer and Adam and Eve were made to leave Paradise and set up home elsewhere.
Lucifer, presumably satisfied with his revenge at having set up the Humans to fail in the eyes of their creator is relatively quiet for the next two thousand years or so. According to the Bible, he’s only responsible for the deaths of ten people. (Job and his family and servants and even then with God’s permission. Read the book of Job if you don’t believe me) God on the other hand is (biblically) responsible for the deaths of 33,456,892 people. Now neither of them have been tried in a court of law and the evidence is all pretty circumstantial and because it’s from the Bible, hearsay and therefore, from a legal point of view, therefore cannot be proved beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Ten people? TEN? Okay, so he was responsible for Mankind now having to wear clothes and women enduring the pain of menstruation (Bastard) but what, really, has the devil done lately? Anyone? Yet people hold him responsible for every bad thing that happens. Murderers glibly quote the name Satan in the vain hopes of being found innocent by virtue of being insane, the Illuminati, a mostly dead society is attributed to him and “cult killings” are allegedly committed in his name. Satanism, a modern invention, is a largely misunderstood religion that has actually nothing to do with Satan himself and yet you find the words “satanic” and “satanistic” bandied about by everyone trying to blame the evil that men do on this invisible entity.
Whatever happened to accountability? When did Lucifer become the fall-guy? Christians, Muslims and the Jewish faith have this very convenient entity to blame for everything that goes wrong. Stub your toe, it’s the devils' fault. Your car crashes, it’s the devils' fault. Kill your neighbor, yep, its’ the devil’s fault and Christians believe this. Why don’t they hold Christians responsible for their own actions? Isn’t Free Will just that? Why blame the Devil?
My take on it is that while human beings are subjected to evil we are ironically and tragically also the creators of it. We cant understand why we would commit actions so hurtful, unforgiveable and damaging to each other. So in order to cope mentally and emotionally we ….invent. We invented a character and villain to place the blame on: Lucifer...the devil. But really...it's us.
Besides, if you think Lucifer is bad, wait till you meet his sister. Karma. She’s a bitch.
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