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R.Phiri
 
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Taxi Syphilis

10 April 2012, 13:52

In the news tonight: Traffic officials are bracing themselves for a surge increasing in traffic volume of the long Easter weekend. The Road Traffic Management Corporation says they will closely monitor major routes, which they regard as hot spots for traffic violation. Over the years taxi drivers have been seen as the main contributors of such violations. This has prompted the question on whether Taxi syphilis can be cured.  Now to better understand the disease, we are now joined on the line by R.Phiri; a Doctor and Psychologist, at the Institute of psychological science, in Johannesburg.

Anchorman: Evening MR R.Phiri and welcome to our highly rated news network.

R.Phiri: Highly rated? You only have one and a half viewers.

Anchorman: Hey! Don’t make fun of my mother and her midget boy friend; he has a black belt you know.

R.Phiri: Black belt, my rear end, his half the man I am.

Anchorman: MR R.Phiri let’s stick to the matter at hand please. Now what is taxi syphilis?

R.Phiri: Taxi syphilis is a disease caused by an individual’s lack of respect for traffic laws or fellow motorists; it is also a condition of abnormal functioning in one’s driving skills. Symptoms change through progressive stages and it can be fatal if left uncured.

Anchorman: By symptoms...what are some of the physical signs that we should look out for?

R.Phiri: Well the initial signs are purchasing of a taxi or pursuing ambitions of a career in the taxi industry; the two are embryonic stages of taxi syphilis. In most cases physical evidence of the disease can be seen through blatant traffic violations and fatal accidents on our roads.

Anchorman: Now you stated that symptoms change through progressive stages, can you elaborate more on this?

R.Phiri: By progressive stages, here I am referring to the chronology of the types of traffic violations. For starters skipping stops signs or red robots may seem innocent, but inevitably such so called innocent offenses culminate to fatal accidents on our roads.

Anchorman: Is taxi syphilis solely a disease which coexists among taxi drivers...are ordinary motorists immune to the disease?

R.Phiri: Although the disease is closely affiliated with the taxi industry, hence the term taxi syphilis, I’m afraid not all ordinary motorists are immune to the disease. Recently we have seen several BMW and Golf drivers fall prey to the disease; many of the drivers have been sighted committing heinous traffic violations. Most common offenses committed are that of exceeding the prescribed speed of 120km/h on certain highways. But in all honesty not all BMW and Golf drivers are such chops. But recent research conducted by our institution in conjunction with traffic authorities, reveal that the disease is affecting other motorists too.

Anchorman: Is this a cause for alarm?

R.Phiri: In reality, I’m afraid yes! If you thought that the E-tolling system, your wife’s cooking or a fat man in a purple suit is terrifying, you can’t begin to fathom the ramifications of taxi syphilis. It’s a problem beyond any scientific solution; it has plagued mankind since the wheel was invented. It’s just a matter of time before innocent motorists are reduced to coffins.

Anchorman: If the problem is beyond any scientific solution, are you saying that there is no cure?

R.Phiri: There is no tangible solution to curing taxi syphilis, apart from beefing up the presence of traffic officials on our roads and issuing harsher penalties for traffic violators. But consensus amongst government and traffic officials, is for a more humane approach in dealing with the problem; which is simply shooting offenders on sight...saviours will be shot at again, government has also urged motorists to not wear bullet proof vests; it makes their job really arduous and frustrating.

Anchorman: Lastly... is it safe to say that the E-tolling system, may in some way curb the disease in reducing the number of motorists on the road...shouldn’t we applaud this initiative?

 R.Phiri: I see you also have your fair share in the government piggy bank. Don’t be stupid man! The E-tolling system is simply greed and nothing more and please don’t justify the system by saying the money will be used to improve road infrastructure, because the fee from our petrol levy is already doing an excellent job. Someone needs to cover some sense in that pothole of a brain you have. Quite frankly I boosted your ratings considerably since most News24 users are viewing this.

Anchorman: That was R.Phiri; a Doctor and Psychologist, at the Institute of psychological science, in Johannesburg. Thank you for watching mom. We may be a small news network, but like my mother says, it’s the small things that satisfy certain needs. Join us next time on our Political slot as we try to make sense of how a further suspension imposed on someone who is already suspended entails.

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