I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either. -(Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. -(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. -( Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas. -(Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)
After 15 years of marriage, sex had become an experience devoid of genuine excitement and emotion, like when you're stuck in traffic trying to get downtown on the Fourth of July and have to listen to the announcer describe the fireworks on the radio. -(Joseph Romm, Washington)
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM. -(Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse)
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River. -(Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
Taken from 33 of the worst sentences in literature history:
She sipped her latte gracefully, unaware of the milk foam droplets building on her mustache, which was not the peachy-fine baby fuzz that Nordic girls might have, but a really dense, dark, hirsute lip-lining row of fur common to southern Mediterranean ladies nearing menopause, and winked at the obviously charmed Spaniard at the next table. -(Jeanne Villa)
On their first date he’d asked how much she thought Edgar Allan Poe’s toe nails would sell for on eBay, and on their second he paid for subway fair with nickels he fished out of a fountain, but he was otherwise charming and she thought that they could have a perfectly tolerable life together. - (Jessica Sasishara)
Before they met, his heart was a frozen block of ice, scarred by the skate blades of broken relationships, then she came along and like a beautiful Zamboni flooded his heart with warmth, scraped away the ugly slushy bits, and dumped them in the empty parking lot of his soul. - (Howie McLennon)
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