Well, firstly there is no formula. Yep, none whatsoever.
You obviously just like me have read many articles giving you 10 rules, 5 rules, 100 rules for a happy marriage. Now tell me if that has worked for you? The interesting thing is; they are all different solutions to the same problem. Books have been written and movies shot about this subject, but to the contrary, with so much information on how to succeed in marriage, we see an increase in the number of divorces.
My answer to this problem is: "Make up your mind". You need to decide in your heart & head what you want and stick to that decision. Never marry someone unless you have really decided to be with them for the rest of your life. For a mountain climber to make it to the top, she must decide within herself that that is what she wants to do. We fail simply because we haven't decided. Without truly deciding, along the way we find reasons why we shouldn't continue with what we've started. The only people who succeed in life are the ones who have decided, regardless of the circumstances, they keep moving forward.
The fact is, when you marry, you will have challenges. Challenges are a part of life. The difference is what you do when you face such challenges. When you have decided in yourself that marriage is what you want to do, there shouldn't be options of leaving. You need to find ways in all your challenges to continue with your marriage. I've heard people saying things like "...but what if I'm no longer happy? " or "...what if I don't love him anymore?". What you need to remember is that happiness and love are actions and not products. You don't do something to be happy or to love. You choose and decide to be. So not being happy and not loving should never be reasons for divorce. Be happy and choose to love.
So according to me, marriage counselling has not proven to work because all they do is give you formulas derived by people. And honestly, they do not work. It is always between two people. The formula, if any is always just between the two people and can never be applied in any other marriage.
Unless you HAVE DECIDED, do not marry. Marry only when you understand that this is it, there is no way out. There are no formulas. You just need to make up your mind!
Happy marriage folks.
This article is also available at thulaningwenya,com
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