According to a Health24 article there are 13 additional ways to use a condom.
There is also a 14th, which happened at a Senior Citizens Village.
81 year old Marge believed rules were for fools and one morning, to lively up the place, she streaked though the men's lounge.
"Did you see that Charlie?" asked Ben, looking up from the Scrabble board. " What the hell is Marge wearing today?"
"I have no idea," replied Charlie. "But it sure as hell needs ironing."
Poor Ben nearly had to be hospitalised.
After everyone had settled down, Bernice, Marge's BFF, said that Marge wasn't always like that and didn't get out much before she became a resident at the Village. This is Bernice's story.
Bernice, after meals, used to disappear into the garden after telling the staff that she needed time alone. One afternoon Marge found her sitting on a bench under a tree, smoking.
"Mind if I join you?" asked Marge, already sitting down and lighting up.
A Gauteng thunderstorm was looming and Bernice scratched around in her handbag deftly pulling out a pair of nail scissors and a condom.
Marge, of course, was intrigued and watched while Bernice snipped off the tip of the condom and pulled it over her cigarette.
"They keep my ciggie dry," explained Bernice.
"What a marvellous idea. I need some of those," said Marge," but you'll have to show me where to find them."
On Pensioners Day Out, Marge stormed into the Pharmacy and shouted: "I need condoms! All that you have."
Everyone came to a standstill while the bemused pharmacist ushered Marge aside.
"Certainly Madam," he said. "Any particular brand? We have ribbed and glow-in-the-dark. Also strawberry flavoured. And, the size? What about the size?"
"Size?" boomed Marge. "Yes, extra, extra large. I need them to fit a Camel."