MyNews24 is a user-generated section of The stories here come from users.

Terrylin Backpackers
Comments: 10
Article views: 1801
Latest Badges:

View all Terrylin Backpackers's badges.

The 14th Way to use a Condom

28 April 2014, 10:07

According to a Health24 article there are 13 additional ways to use a condom.

There is also a 14th, which happened at a Senior Citizens Village.

81 year old Marge believed rules were for fools and one morning, to lively up the place, she streaked though the men's lounge.

"Did you see that Charlie?" asked Ben, looking up from the Scrabble board.  " What the hell is Marge wearing today?"

"I have no idea," replied Charlie.  "But it sure as hell needs ironing."

Poor Ben nearly had to be hospitalised.

After everyone had settled down, Bernice, Marge's BFF, said that Marge wasn't always like that and didn't get out much before she became a resident at the Village.  This is Bernice's story.

Bernice, after meals, used to disappear into the garden after telling the staff that she needed time alone.  One afternoon Marge found her sitting on a bench under a tree, smoking.

"Mind if I join you?" asked Marge, already sitting down and lighting up.

A Gauteng thunderstorm was looming and Bernice scratched around in her handbag deftly pulling out a pair of nail scissors and a condom.

Marge, of course, was intrigued and watched while Bernice snipped off the tip of the condom and pulled it over her cigarette.

"They keep my ciggie dry," explained Bernice.

"What a marvellous idea.  I need some of those," said Marge," but you'll have to show me where to find them."

On Pensioners Day Out, Marge stormed into the Pharmacy and shouted:  "I need condoms!  All that you have."

Everyone came to a standstill while the bemused pharmacist ushered Marge aside.

"Certainly Madam," he said.  "Any particular brand?  We have ribbed and glow-in-the-dark.  Also strawberry flavoured.  And, the size?  What about the size?"

"Size?" boomed Marge.  "Yes, extra, extra large.  I need them to fit a Camel."

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received. publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Tribute to Dr Robert Sobukwe

Robert Sobukwe’s dream and vision far from being realised and accomplished. Read more...

0 comments 94 views

The difference between Amakhosi and Pirates is not just the colour of our jerseys. Read more...

0 comments 74 views
Submitted by
Gallant Cassious
Blatant racism or culture clash

Blatant racism or intolerance of other’s culture – your South Africa Read more...

0 comments 320 views
Submitted by
Michael Bowren
Technology - Streamlining the fin...

Underpinned by demographic and sociotechnical shifts, internet penetration amongst South African consumers has increased significantly in recent years and now there is an ever shifting propensity to interact online.  Read more...

0 comments 79 views
Submitted by
Kelvin Esiasa167
Zambia Celebrate Customer Service...

"The customer is always right" is a famous business slogan. The underlying truth behind this statement is recognising that customers are the life blood for any business.  Read more...

0 comments 47 views
Submitted by
Mark Proctor
Interest Rates and You

There has been be a decision to raise interest rates by the South African Reserve Bank's monetary policy committee. It is the last one for the year. Read more...

0 comments 77 views


E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

Interactive Advertising Bureau
© 2015 All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.


Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire network.


Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.