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The ANC Bobble-heads

30 January 2013, 07:31

I recently saw an advertisement on TV about a well-known toothpaste brand promising something along the lines of tooth whitening accelerants and could not help but remember another advertisement that seems to have run its useful promotional life… It was a washing powder promising to make whites whiter with no mention whatsoever about what it would do for blacks.

This toothpaste ad, in turn, rekindled my irritation at the overly sensitive reaction of the ANC to a recent bank advertisement and the spectacular misinterpretation of The New Age newspaper to the concept of scripted. Clearly, there is not much scripted at all at that newspaper, but I digress. The essence of my opening thoughts on the matter are that political parties generally develop a particularly sensitive nose only when there is a bad smell about.

So while I stared down my passageway and wondered how difficult it can honestly be to plant tiles in a straight line, a lightning bolt came straight through my office window and blew up the banana I had planned for lunch. Well, that’s what I’ll tell my wife when she eventually finds the used KFC wrappers and wonders why the healthy lunch was abandoned and I’m twenty kilo’s heavier, smelling like a fastfood outlet every day.

That ANC media release to the offending advertisement (not the one about whitening accelerants, but the one in which young South Africans give honest opinions on how they feel about their future) reminded me distinctly of bobble-heads. And not just because that party’s politicians are useless accoutrements in expensive cars – if that were the case, I’d refer to those politicians as fuzzy dice.

Surprisingly, it is also not because there are numerous photographs of party-political gatherings and even, parliament sittings, where numerous heads are bobbing for apples in their losing battle against sleep as their colleagues blather on endlessly about the racism perceived in some brand. Or the fact that ceilings are always painted white. Or that shining stars appear white against black at night and the dots on a domino… well, you get the picture.

ANC politicians are bobble-heads because in the recent delegation despatched to counter the evil of capitalism or some other bollocks, numerous little heads bobbed in agreement with the Minister of Public Works, Thulas Nxesi, ministers Jeff Radebe, Nathi Mthethwa and Siyabonga Cwele (bear in mind that Cwele is the Minister of State Security and was married to a convicted drug dealer while in that position!)  and various other bobble-heads.

State Security Minister people! Not the minister of “I have no idea what goes on in our home”.

Hardly a surprise then, that the president of the banana has no idea about a R200-million upgrade on his home. Just the other day I walked out of the local supermarket and hopped into a Ferrari and when I got home, imagine my effing surprise! What on earth had happened to my Toyota?

The bank’s holding company chief executive, Sizwe Nxasana, also smeared on some lipstick and grovelled in his prettiest Sunday dress.  He puckered up his lips, sucked up the ANC party line and his head bobbled in agreement. Another African National Congress bobble-head perhaps?

I’ve recently considered launching a series of cartoon characters, bobble-heads and action men in reference to South African politics but the problem is: these clowns are all cartoon characters and nothing we say or do could make them less credible as politicians; they are all “Ja-bru’s” and simply agree with whatever is placed in front of them; and not one of them is about action, but they are all about talk.

Anyway, I ‘m going to find the number for that tiler while you ponder our ANC bobble-heads.

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