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The ANC is going to entertain in 2014

10 January 2014, 14:00

As I write this, I am trying to CHANnel my energy into opening up my mind and giving the upcoming CHAN tournament a decent CHANce but is hard to get excited about this tournament.


For those who don’t know, CHAN – the African Nations Championship (some prefer calling it the ANC) – is a biennial tournament that was launched in 2007. It is a relatively new tournament which, despite Minister Fikile Mbalula’s recent public statements, has very little CHANce of attracting the general public’s interest.


Every South African Tom, Dick, and Harry; Nobuntu, Mandisa, and Mbali; as well every Sarah, Candice and CHANtelle, is focused on other sporting events such as keeping track of the ever-CHANging BPL top 5 standings.  Some Capetonians would rather even read about how the German CHANcellor injured her pelvis than watch this here CHAN.


Others, still, would rather keep tabs on the hourly updates on the confusing transfer saga involving disenCHANted, wantaway Kaizer Chiefs striker, Lehlohonolo “I do hav Balz” Majoro.


Are my people wrong to have such a negative attitude towards the CHAN when some of our local clubs looked at Gordon Igesund and his staff as irritating CHANcers when they came cap-in-hand to virtually beg for players to be allowed to join the national squad?


It also doesn’t help that the organisers have also priced tickets to matches a bit high (some tickets are priced as high as R200); it is almost as if they have forgotten that right now it is January time and KeDezemba is gone – debts are hitting my ‘Y-tjukutja’ CHANas harder than a Jackie CHAN flying kick!


Personally, I don’t even have a three-digit figure available in my bank account. Hell, I don’t even have spare CHANge to give this car-guard who seems to think that I do not know how to reverse my car out of this parking zone without his help (this guy needs a meCHANic, ’cause clearly he’s got a screw loose).


But I digress.


Maybe to help promote the tournament on social networks, I should start referring to all my tweeps such as Lerato as LeCHANto, instead of the now fashionable (amongst certain soccer addicts), LeCOWto.  @Legendary_clock should from now on be known as @Legendary_CHAN.  Even Mr @TauYaDitshego should also think of changing his twitter name; how about something more eye-catching?  Something like @CHANyaDitshego, eh?


It all start with you tweeps… You CHAN can do it!


If Bafana win the darn thing we can even continue putting our own marketing meCHANisms in place like creating new words and call their victory “a CHANtastic achievement”.  Yes?  No?  Okay, maybe I got a little bit too excited (we can call that a CHAN reaction).


For those who will be keeping a close eye on things, (live at the ground or on the CHANnel “where football lives”), when if Bafana get knocked out of the tournament early, have no fear; fear is for the financially-carefree ‘Y-Tjukutja’ generation.  Instead, just bring “Phillip” and the spirit of 2010 back again and just do “the CHAN”: Choose Another Nation!  Do it for Bafana and do it for ‘Mr Razzmatazz” because 2014 is the year to show love to the ANC (see what I did there?).


On a more serious note, I do hope that Bafana Bafana do well and that coach Igesund maybe finds a rough diamond that we South Africans have not fully appreciated.  Although, let’s be honest, you’re unlikely to find a packed stadium filled to the rafters with supporters CHANting Edward Manqele’s name or singing the timeless ‘Shosholoza’.  This is a bit funny because if we don’t win the CHAN trophy, some members of the public are bound to call for a CHANgeover (despite not watching a single minute of actual football) and ask SAFA to get a new coach from over the seas, somebody like, errm, Gordon StraCHAN or some random coach who uses fancy words, like “philosophy”, when speaking about tactics.


This expected public outcry is likely to be a fruitless exercise because many members of our media who have a penCHANt for praising ‘GI’ (despite results) will continue making excuses for him instead try make us focus on the ‘hunger shown by the players’ (sorry, but just like Khuli CHANa, I am on the “No more hunger” vibes this year and would rather prefer that Bafana deliver straightforward victories, hape le hape, again and again).


I am tired of Igesund’s promises because, as the late ‘MaBrrr’ famously sang, “they turn to lies”.


Let the ANC fun and games begin!


Thomas Monyepao

CHANnel your energy into following me on twitter

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