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The Adam/Eve Loophole

07 August 2013, 20:59

Listen-up, theists… I may have found a loophole in reality for your 6,000 year old Adam/Eve…

Every self-respecting civilization on earth has a creation myth to explain its origins.  Most have gone the way of the dinosaur, but, like aves-the-bird that slipped through that extinction, and the Eastern religions aside, the last-man-standing in the modern world are the Abrahamic sects.

These die-hards cling to the Genesis myth where a man and a woman (and various talking animals) come, naked, onto a bright and shiny new stage full of friendly beasts and a snake that was not yet condemned to slither.

This was a great little fire-side yarn for the 6,000 or so years since some soak made it up around a desert-camp-fire.  Children were enthralled, and the child-minded didn’t mind its idiocy and lack of details one bit either – not being educated, and all that was a great boon for fairytales.

But… ooops… along came the scientific method in or about the 17th Century, which took rather a long and copious slash into the coals, and all the “kak-praatery” fizzled and “kak-praaters” turned to fury.

And that’s when the real trouble began.  What a good fisticuff has been had ever since, with the Klippies-swillers threatening ungodly outcomes for those sober enough to say “…6,000 year old earth… Hang on a moment!”

Of course… during the time when analogue fossil evidence to the contrary suggested a slow divergence from our 4 other ape cousins; not to mention kinship to all living things that predate that – flora and fauna alike; our hairy angry godly friends could still ape it up and make fun of the idea… and, they could still cry out each time an intermediary specimen plugged a single gape, that we now needed two more intermediaries into the gaps created either side of it.

But, with digital DNA and Molecular precision, that little “see the changes” party is also over; and the disgruntled are still licking wounds and grouching ceaselessly to themselves about their up-ending (ignoring the evidence being their preferred modus).

But I’ve found you lot a way out of it all.  You can now accept evolution, at least prior to the 6,000 year-ago-mark – and we can then agree that no significant evolution has taken place since then (which is true… as evolution and especially speciation is a long-term issue).  The bonus is that this way your small but noisy cult will be brought a lot closer in belief to the vast majority of 2,2-billion Christians led by the 1,2-billion Catholics plus the other sober religions who don’t have an issue with evolution, etc.

All it takes is for you to shift your perceptions just a sliver; stop thinking of Adam and Eve having no precedents and being the first homo-sapiens.  No.  The couple were born in the normal way, 9 months after their respective parents loved one another in a special way.

What was ‘new’ was their epiphany that you have clung to ever since.  Allow me to elaborate: We both agree that your cult is a ‘living thing”… I think it may have been JC himself, but certainly others, who have called do call it “the living word”.  Fine.  Go with it:
Your doctrine was ‘born’ to a man (always a man, naturally)… to Adam… half a dozen thousand years ago – he poked his wife, Eve, in the ribs (see the rib reference fits) and said, “Listen to this…!” and she agreed vigorously; which is better than a klap in a tent.  Them, both being naked, proceeded to make some followers right there and then, but immediately became ashamed, got dressed (you see… shame and nakedness covered reference sorted) and went out for some fruit.

You can figure the rest out for yourself.

If you can just come to terms with the fact that homo-sapiens have been on this planet for between 100k and 200k years – and it is the birth of your belief system that arose in the first man and woman; there will be no more tension and argument.

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