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Candy Ervin
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The Baby theory

21 January 2014, 14:21

On the 13th March 2013, 9:05am, I gave birth to a phenomenal little girl. At 21 weeks this little munchkin moved from the birth canal into full breech after a very scary threatened miscarriage. It was a high risk pregnancy from the beginning and I terrified I would lose her. I was too scared to bond with her, and after the first scare I decided to throw caution to the wind and bond with my child. I told her I loved her and that I always would. I told her I would always protect her and I asked her to please hold on for me because I needed her more than she needed me. After that I had two more scares and I became a paranoid mess. I read every article online, I got the books and read them. I sought advice from experts on how best to keep my child in my tummy. Eventually I realized I was driving myself crazy and that I was going to make myself lose her.

I calmed down. But it wasn't easy. Eventually her little movements turned into big kicks. Her head was always butting me in the ribs; I gained 25 ks and really gave meaning to the saying "eating for two". I was determined to make sure she was born healthy.

By 28 weeks she still hadn't moved into the birth canal, and my doctor said c-section. I was torn. Part of being a good enough mother (according to society) is doing natural birth. With no painkillers. If you choose to have an epidural you are "drugging your child". You are taking that child’s right away to come into the world with a clear state of mind. It doesn't matter that the child is ripping you in half and your blood pressure is through the roof and you can't breathe because you are in so much pain it would be easier to just pass out because you are pushing out a baby hippo. A Human body can bear up to 45 del (units) of pain. Yet at time of giving birth, a mother feels up to 57 Del (units) of pain. This is similar to 20 bones getting fractured at the same time. Why in the world would you put yourself through that? This isn’t the dark ages anymore, technology is so advanced. We have so many choices now, 40 years ago c-sections were not common practice. Don’t get me wrong, to those woman who do choose to push, I take my hat off to you. Every one has the right to choose, this is why I am writing this.

My uterus was at risk of tearing. I have struggled with endometriosis since I was 16 and was told that I would never fall pregnant. I had 7 operations on my uterus in 5 years. I was due to have my right ovary removed because it was constantly developing large cysts on it, I was in tremendous pain daily. A few months before I was due to be in theatre, I found out I was six weeks pregnant. While carrying my daughter I suffered three threatened miscarriages. THREE! Most women only suffer one, if that. I had three. On three separate occasions I thought I was losing my daughter. What that did to me emotionally I can never explain. My daughter is resilient, she is dynamite. She proved that whilst in the womb.  My doctor told me that even if she was in the birth canal and I did natural birth the pressure would have torn my uterus as it had gotten weaker with each operation. I would never have been able to carry another child again. My choice to push was never mine and it never will be. It wasn’t meant to be.

The slack I have gotten from Mothers regarding my having a c-section is terrible. I am told I should have let my gynea turn my daughter into the birth canal and “taken my chances”. I am told they would never have let their gynea “gut them open” and I am told they “would never have put their child through that trauma”. Firstly, I nor my gynea was not prepared to let him go elbow deep to turn a baby in full breach. Secondly, my gynea didn’t “gut me open”. Ten months down the line and you can barely see a scar.  I was up and WALKING, nursing and sitting with my baby 6 hours after the op and that is because it took that long for me to catch up on some sleep and gain the feeling back in my legs. Lastly, my daughter was born within 5 minutes, lying on my chest with big, curios eyes, excellent scores on the apgar scale weighing an impressive 3.01kg. And this was all from a baby who nearly died three times. She has the most adorable nature, a very outgoing personality and at ten months has beautiful blue eyes, blonde hair, pouty cheery red lips and an energy that I can only WISH I had.

I am also a single Mom, her dad has never met her and never will. I am a good enough Mother for that too.

To those that choose c-sections, don’t be disheartened. If you do what’s best for YOU it is also best for baby because at the end of the day, what affects you, affects baby. To those that do natural with epidural, good for you. It would have been nice to have a choice; you are STILL a Mom. For those that do natural, the “natural” way. Well done, you are tough and should know it.

For the first time Moms, being a mom does not give you the right to lecture other first time Moms. I am going to take advice from the 52 year old who has given birth to and raised three children, not from the 28 year old with a one year old. Be mindful of what you say, you’re treading on thin ground when you criticize a Mom. Before you quote “expert advice”, pull yourself toward yourself and ask yourself if that person REALLY wants to and NEEDS to hear your condescending and patronizing lecture on what is “best for baby”.

That being said, to ALL the Moms out there that may be reading this. New Moms, old Moms, pat yourself on the back. Thank you for your patience with us, for wiping our snotty noses. Thank you for kissing our boo boo’s. Thank you for wiping our tears away and for keeping our little dreams alive.

Thank you to my Mom for teaching me how to be the best Mother I can be. Thank you for showing me how to do things, for standing by me and my little V. Thank you for all the love you show her and I. Thank you for teaching me that it doesn’t matter how I brought her into this world, thank you for showing me that I brought her into this world regardless.

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