PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
JennyJuly
 
Comments: 9
Article views: 1178
 
 
Latest Badges:


 
View all JennyJuly's badges.
 

The Boeremeisie's guide to marrying a Brit: Part Two

25 January 2014, 17:01

Boere-girl dating an Engelsman?

Welcome to part two of your survival guide.

The Boeremeisie’s guide to dating a Brit: Coping with the cooking

To summarise part one: As an Afrikaner woman, you are inherently tougher than your Engelsman. You can’t help it – your great-great-great Grandmother conquered The Drakensberg barefoot, pregnant and fighting malaria…Three times.

Today, her strong and stubborn genes live on - you, her great-great-great granddaughter, will NEVER stay home sick. Part one taught you how to cope with dating someone who will use anything - ingrown pinkie nails included - as an excuse to stay in bed all day.

Let’s get to part two.

Proud as we are to be the descendants of a tough bunch, there is one horrible genetic consequence that is hard to deny: At a certain age, we get fat.

See, Boerekos was designed for the super-active. Climbing mountains. Fighting wars. Farming in the red hot sun… Screw Crossfit, Pilates and anything else that now qualifies as “keeping fit” – we have nothing on our ancestors.

Yet we keep eating the sugar, sugar, sugar they so needed to keep going.

Just think of your favourite vegetable. Mine is pumpkin – mixed with syrup and squashed up with cinnamon and sugar. Yum!

Afrikaner veggies are brilliant. We’re the only people who dare to admit that adults don’t like veggies any more than kids do – so we make it pudding.

Let me share a family recipe for sweet potatoes:

Boil until soft. Slice. Layer with crumbed ginger biscuits, banana, brown sugar and butter. Add some orange juice and bake for an hour.

Serve with rys, vleis en aartappels and finish off the meal with some Malva pudding and hot custard.

Yummo! A delicious meal clocking in at a gazillion calories.

It’s no wonder our bodies can only take it for so long. It happens somewhere in our mid-forties – there comes a day in every Afrikaner woman’s life when she looks in the mirror and sees 7de Laan’s Matrone where Minki vd Westhuizen once stood.

The day she becomes a Tannie has arrived.

The process of getting to this day is a gradual one.

First, you slowly start getting podgier. Then, you realise that you just LOVE Julianne Moore and that you would like nothing better than to have red hair. The closest shade Dischem can offer you is a shiny, maroony colour. It looks cheap, but you take it anyway. When you’re done dyeing, you realise that you’re too fat to look like your Hollywood idol. 

For some reason, your solution is to cut your hair nice and short. You crave a new outfit, but the shops you used to visit suddenly seem tacky. Dejectedly, you’re walking past Milady’s when suddenly you stop. It’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen: A purple pantsuit. You buy all 10 size 16s they have in stock and never wear anything else again. With a sensible string of pearls and some sensible black shoes, your look is complete.

You are now wearing the uniform of middle-aged Afrikaner women everywhere – The Tannie Pakkie.

Now, dear reader, I understand that the prospect of becoming a Tannie is down-right terrifying.

But here’s the good news – if you’re dating an Engelsman, it won’t happen to you. Once again – pat yourself on the back for making such a great choice in a partner.

How does this work?

Think back – the first step in the Tannie-fication process is this: Getting fat. Specifically, getting fat due to spending years and years eating pudding masquerading as pumpkin.

As you integrate into your Engelsman’s family you will soon learn some shocking facts about food:

1.       Vegetables are meant to be steamed

2.       Fruit salad is a valid dessert choice

3.       Brandy and Coke is frowned upon when wine is on offer

Given the Engelsman’s weak constitution (covered in part 1), eating healthily is considered very important.

It will be tough at first, but change your ways. Throw away the Kook and Geniet and start steaming.

Your 45 year old self will thank you.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
9 comments
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Daniel Sutherland
Imminent Cabinet reshuffle: the w...

We need to forget about Helen Zille and her tweets. We need to forget about the Spur incident and all other side issues. Right now the recall that Pravin Gordhan just got from Zuma783 is all that matters. Read more...

0 comments 2020 views
Submitted by
Alex Harlies
Pravin, come back here this insta...

It seems like a common occurrence now that whenever the Rand gains momentum and begins appreciate in value, something must always bring that momentum to a grinding halt. Read more...

0 comments 1481 views
Submitted by
Larry
The Gupta angle: Gordhan's recall

The Gupta's are scrambling, and my guess is that they want this case to go away. The only way for this to happen is for the finance minister to withdraw. Read more...

0 comments 387 views
Submitted by
This side of x
The Twitter soap opera, an outrag...

Public servants should be banned from using any social media during office hours.  Read more...

0 comments 85 views
Submitted by
Commissar
Another Jacob Zuma fiasco looming

What an absolute disgrace for us to have Jacob Zuma at the helm, costing SA each and every time he issues and instruction and or takes action. Read more...

0 comments 847 views
Submitted by
Tshepo Albia Monakedi
SA’s political future: a message ...

While some credit opposition parties for eating into the ANC pie, I tend to side with the theory which suggests that the ANC lost support not because of strong opposition but due to perceptions of bad governance. Read more...

0 comments 116 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2017 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.