God is defined as: A being conceived as the perfect, omnipotent, omniscient originator and ruler of the universe, the principal object of faith and worship in monotheistic religions.
Since the dawn of language, mankind has been creating Godlike entities to fill the gaps in our collective knowledge. Lightning bolts coming from the sky? Zeus. Ships sinking at sea? Poseidon. You get the drift; we love to impose supernatural explanations to everyday happenings in our mortal lives, until now. Centuries ago Man started to record its efforts, findings, failures and successes – the History of Man became a wonderful collection of all sorts of information.
The danger of such an endeavor became very clear to the highborn of past times and as such, we suffered the destruction of the greatest resource of all time, The Library of Alexandria. Why was it so dangerous? Too much information, too widely available, makes too many wise men and woman. When you have an informed population, the people “in charge” have a damn hard time keeping it under control.
Thanks to the advancement of science and technology however, we have a new Great Library, one that cannot be burned to the ground and one that is easily accessible to anyone connected to the Internet. It is called Google and although they do not archive most of the data, it does provide a portal to sifting through all of the available information.
But this library is different, it isn’t a passive experience where you have to go and select which works to undertake, and you are not limited to only one source of information – it is a multiple faceted active experience. Have a question that needs to be answered? Have a problem understanding something? Want to know how to help your sick friend? Need to diagnose a skin disorder? Have an abusive relationship and need advice?
Ask Google, She replies every time with multiple sources and lots and lots of options. Every prayer I’ve ever prayed during my tenure under the titan grip of Religion was to ask for guidance, advice and understanding – yet it was never met with an answer. Not until I connected to the Internet and started to search did I find the answers I sought. Many will scream, “They are manmade answers!” Yet, so is the Bible, for Man wrote it. The difference here is the answers I get off of Her Highness Google is ever changing and adapting to new information and most importantly, it works.
God has once again been created, but this time it is different, for She answers your prayers. What a wonder it will be to witness Her obtain sentience in 2045 – what a shock to the world that would be!
For convenience I have copied and pasted the nine proofs as to why Google is God from their site (www.churchofgoogle.org) below:
Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.
Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.
Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.
Google is potentially immortal. She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take its place. Google can theoretically last forever.
Google is infinite. The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index its infinite growth.
Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of "Google Afterlife".
Google can "do no evil" (Omnibenevolent). Part of Google's corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.
According to Google trends, the term "Google" is searched for more than the terms "God", "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddha", "Christianity", "Islam", "Buddhism" and "Judaism" combined.
God is thought to be an entity in which we mortals can turn to when in a time of need. Google clearly fulfils this to a much larger degree than traditional "gods", as shown in the image below (click to enlarge).
Evidence of Google's existence is abundant.
There is more evidence for the existence of Google than any other God worshiped today. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. If seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com and experience for yourself Google's awesome power. No faith required.
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