PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
R.Phiri
 
Comments: 62
Article views: 4327
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all R.Phiri's badges.
 

The Colour of Crime

19 July 2012, 15:37

Warning the following article may offend sensitive readers – But this is South Africa, so screw your sensitivity.

JZ: Greetings, I have summoned you all to this meeting in order to discuss issues exacerbating the level of crime in this country. We as members of parliament should serve as catalysts for change, I will spear head this meeting by asking members which race is to blame for the level of crime in this country?


Boeremag leader: Ha ha ha you said spear, kyk hier Zumatjie the KKKs
are to blame!


JZ: By KKKs you are referring to the Ku Klux Klan? What the hell would a secret society of white Southerners from the United States want in South Africa; there are no African Americans here, except for MR Mbalula.


Boeremag leader: By KKKs I was referring to three K’s and not the Ku Klux Klan boet.


JZ: Big Mac! Get me my machine, this little right wing hippie here needs to say “hello to my little friend”!!!


Big Mac: Here it is Sir.


JZ: Mac! Mackie! Why are you bringing me a portrait of my penis?


Big Mac: But sir you strictly said your little friend


JZ: Listen here arms deal buddy! I will reshuffle you to Bolly Wood! Minister Mthethwa which race would you say is responsible for the level of crime in the country?


Minister Mthethwa: Looking at SAPS’s latest crime statistics it’s mostly blacks and whites.


JZ: Comrade we cannot rule out Indians and Coloureds, that’s discrimination bordering around racism.


Minister Mthethwa: The only offence committed by Indians is their bad accents, crappy Bolly Wood movies and the occasional acts of fraud - no offence Big Mac. As for the gingivitis race it’s usually gangsterism and alcoholism – De Lille is probably toothless and drunk some where in Lavender Hill or Hanover Park. But SAPS’s latest crime statistics fail to narrow down or pint point which race should be held accountable for the level of crime in the country, but as I stated earlier on it’s mostly blacks and whites who are the main contributors.


JZ: So we have no choice but to kill blacks and whites... they make me seem incompetent as a leader, under the scrutiny of the international microscope.


Minister Mthethwa: I’m afraid we can not kill blacks; the 2014 elections are around the corner. We need their easily fickle minds to win the upcoming elections. Shooting them is the same as shooting ourselves in the foot. As for whites...well... we would probably lose international investors if we killed them, since investors have lost faith in most black business men and government officials; due to their rampant involvement in corruption. But we need to assign the blame on somebody, if not! fingers will point back to us as government.


Big Mac: We can blame Juju


JZ: No! His been used enough already...you can’t recycle a used condom. The Church Of Scientology: Our famous and some what gayest devotee Tom Cruise has telekinetic and telepathic powers! We could use him for future answers as to how we can curb the escalating rate of violence.


Minister Mthethwa: Telekinetic and telepathic powers! Hahaha I could’ve sworn I saw a unicorn. But Tom failed to use his tele-pathetic powers to see Kate’s divorce coming...Hahaha what happened? Was it Vision Impossible! Don’t come here with your scientology hippie shenanigans...go rape little scientology boys or something.


 The Church Of Scientology: How dare you make a mockery of the super awesome Cruise! Clearly you haven’t seen Mission Impossible, the man does his own stunts! While you butth0les deploy a fat, little, teletubby look alike and now ex politician, to do your corruption.


JZ: Shut up hippies, you guys are a pain in the ass like gay sex. Minister Mthethwa we really need to hold somebody accountable for the crime rate. I ordered Basic Education minister Angie Motshekga to dumped and burn several school text books in Limpopo, in order for Premier Cassel Mathale to look incompetent and take the fall for the
text book saga...that plan went well.


Minister Mthethwa: What are you trying to say...are you suggesting that we burn several school text books and put the blame on a specific race?


JZ: No! You idiot! You on the right track but on the wrong train. Basically we need to think along those lines. We can’t necessarily blame the crime rate on black people; even though they are the main contributors, if they entire black race is incarcerated for the crimes, we may just see an old white lady leading the country. On the other hand we can’t blame whites too; we know that, that old white lady will jump at the opportunity to cry racism...and why isn’t there any tea at this meeting?


Minister Mthethwa: Our tea lady Mazibuko is on her periods Sir and she’s on a diet; in preparation for the London 2012 Paralympics. The chances of her accomplishing that diet are slim...Hahaha slim...That’s like coloured Capetonians being vampires in the Twilight movie.


JZ: We need to establish a task team to find solutions for this rubix cube of a problem.


Minister Mthethwa: Already did Sir...the task team consists of Popeye, Batman, Spiderman, the Fantastic Four and the Avengers.


JZ: But these are all white super heroes and we all know that whites are only brave in movies, in reality they just a group of
invertebrates, cocooned behind the safety of their high security walls. Minister what happened to the black super heroes?


Minister Mthethwa: Well Sir...we don’t get black super heroes...except for Juju, the economic freedom fighter.


JZ: Ok! get that butthole a cape and some tight Wolverine leather pants...and a brain well you at it.


Minister Mthethwa: Sir we don’t have enough funds to pay for a super hero suit of such mammoth proportions.


JZ: Oh trust me Minister we do have enough funds, Big Mac! bring out the Taxpayer Piggy bank. Minister you and your butthole task team have 48hrs to find a race within the South African community, which we can hold accountable for the country’s crime rate.

48 Hours Later


Minister Mthethwa: Sir we have reached consensus on the matter, hopefully with this idea our rubix cube can be solved.


JZ: So what’s the verdict?


Minister Mthethwa: Since we can’t blame Blacks, Whites, Indians, Coloureds, Tom Cruise and his tele-pathetic powers...we decided to blame a group of people who have been under the radar for quite some time now. These individuals are immune to scrutiny and they also
possess immunity from being held accountable for the country’s problems...as powerful as they may seem..they do have one weakness...and that’s the sun.


 JZ: Who are these people? Have they ever voted for me? Do they contribute to my piggy bank by paying taxes? Do they have females I can marry?


Minister Mthethwa:  I’m not sure, but there’s one thing I can assure you is that they are the key to unlocking solutions for our problems. We can blame the crime rate on Albinos!


JZ: Albinos?


Minister Mthethwa:  Yes! Albinos! They look White but sound Black...so if we blame it on them we won’t come off as racist, plus we won’t risk losing black voters to imprisonment.


JZ: Perfect plan Minister! Trevor Noah won’t know what hit his people...Hahaha...how’s my evil laugh?


Minister Mthethwa: Trevor Noah is not Albino Sir...His half Swiss and half poverty...I mean black.


JZ: Who cares! Add him to the list, he made fun of me in his Day Walker comic DVD and add R.Phiri as well! His also another pain in the ass like gay sex.


Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
62 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Njabulo Mndebele
Following your heart

I have a question why love is so difficult to understand and why we always chose people wrong people to love them?  Read more...

1 comments 186 views
Submitted by
SilverBack
It never was about science or abo...

What is really the issue? What is really the problem? What is really at the bottom of the irreligious in their dismissal and rejection of the God of the bible?  Read more...

24 comments 198 views
Submitted by
No.You're a handbag
We ARE all settlers, Part 2

So last week, I posted a brief description of the FACTS surrounding settling in South Africa. Then one comment reminded me why facts are NEVER going to make an iota of difference in South Africa.  Read more...

4 comments 121 views
Submitted by
Daniel Blade Amos
Delays on Moetrorail

My brother uses the train every day to get to town. Read more...

4 comments 532 views
Submitted by
Ivan Dimitrijevic
4 Important Things You Mustn’t Fo...

Unless you are a master of organization, or you have a full-time secretary that will constantly remind you of everything, you should be aware of some more important things that under no circumstances should fall under your radar. Read more...

6 comments 570 views
Submitted by
Maluleka Paul
SADTU's proposed 'Nationalist his...

The nationalist history curriculum approach is always under scrutiny everywhere around the world and for a good reason. Read more...

8 comments 701 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Deal of the week!

20% off Afrikaans books, music and DVDs. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Save up to R1000 on Hisense smartphones!

View the large range of Hisense smartphones. Buy today and save up to R1000!

Hot gaming titles – available for pre-order!

Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare Day Zero Edition, Far Cry 4, Grand Theft Auto 5 and more. Pre-order now!

Get a free eBook

Buy 3 eBooks and get the cheapest FREE. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Bargain box – 60% off

Reduced prices, very limited stock. While stocks last. Hurry and shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.