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Maja Dezulovic
 
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The Corporate Zombie Apocalypse

07 April 2014, 12:52

Monday morning came and I was petrified.  I reluctantly got myself ready and went to the office.  Our office has become one of those ghastly places where death has come to reign.  Lifeless souls float around with their dead blue eyes and loose limbs.   They groan in anguish and will only be satisfied when they claim their next victim.

Some of you will know that it was discovered that the zombie crisis is caused by a virus.  I don’t know if Brad Pitt can save us from this one but we can only hope.

I’ve tried everything.  I try everything that is rumoured to work against them and camouflage a perfectly healthy body for them to claim.  It’s so widespread that the local Dischem is now stocking the vaccines (also thanks to Brad Pitt) and other preventative methods.  I don’t like needles so I started taking vitamins.  I also avoid all possibly contaminated areas or clean my hands with sanitizer or wipes after accidental contact.  The culprits are door handles, telephones, keyboards, remotes and of course, touching the half-dead corpses themselves.  During early infection, they may fool you while they still look semi-normal and force you into a casual handshake or caress.  Be warned that anybody can become infected, even those closest to you.  If you want to save yourself, isolate yourself from danger as much as possible.  Stay within the secure confines of your own home.


Sometimes it is difficult.  I walked into the office today.  The atmosphere was quiet and eerie.  Almost everyone has been infected and people are missing.  They’ve probably left the germs behind, lingering, waiting.

It’s that most wonderful time of the year again.  I don’t want to become a groaning, coughing, sneezing and panting flu zombie, although it’s probably inevitable.

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