I have written quite a bit about Love and woman and how being hurt by the one you love creates an opportunity for you to re-evaluate yourself. And I stand by everything thing I have naively offered up for you to ponder on. But I don’t think I have really explained what effects the betrayal actually has on the psyche of the female. So yes this blog is dedicated to the men in our lives, the men who were in our lives and the lucky bastards that are still to come.
I know and I will be backed up by many of the ladies that one blog would not be enough to explain the different levels of pain and shattering that happens , but I feel that by exposing just a few of our dilemma’s will bring any male reader a bit closer to understanding what their actions bestow upon us…sometimes to be carried forever and into the life there after, so to make the process easier and more bearable (for the guys) i am now going to stop writing like a chick and whip it out on the table! No more x’s and o’s…Ladies bring out the beer and peanuts.
Leading her on:
The thing about this is that it seems a very legit thing to do when you in a club with more alcohol in your blood stream than blood. You know that all you want is to get laid, and if its good maybe go back for seconds. Most guys have every intention of losing the girls number after week one (if it even gets that far) The problem that occurs here guys is that even if she tells you she doesn’t want a long term thing, that she is all up for a quick no strings attached rumble in the jungle…she aint! Very few, I think about 3 out of ten women can walk away. So if you just have to have her, and you cant go home to your boring wife without tasting the forbidden fruits, don’t lie to her and tell her you going to call her, don’t speak ‘future tense’ to her. Have her and be done with it. At least then all she is going to have to deal with is feeling like a cheap hooker for a bit, not go back to the club for a while and a tarnished self esteem. But when you keep it going with no real intention of longevity, *slapping hand on forehead* you basically going to turn her into a monster. Once those phone calls stop, she will become paranoid, obsessive, demanding. She will leave at least a hundred emails or sms’s, she will check her phone every 5 seconds wondering if you sleeping with someone else. She will feel like a loser, and rejected and it will stop her from being able to trust the next man that really wants her. She will not let go until it gets ugly. Or until your girlfriend or wife (if applicable) finds one of her crazy sms’s and puts her fat foot down.
Dating two or more woman at the same time:
First of all… congratulations you stallion you. It takes a special kind of nympho to be able to handle that kind of drama, but hey you lay pipe more than the average Joe Schmo on the street so some credit has to be awarded. Especially that the spread of infection and STD’s is trivial to you. You are most probably the guy that all other guys take lessons from. How about no! Besides the obvious issue with regards to the very likely chance that you are giving and receiving some sort of infection or STD…you are playing with time bombs. If it is not part of your religion or cultural belief(meaning these woman don’t know about each other) seeing or having a full on relationship with more than one woman at the same time is a sure fire way of ending up in a magazine under the caption ‘Hacked To Death By Scorned Lover’. One of them will find out, doesn’t matter how good you are at hiding it. The truth always comes out. And what you will leave behind are woman who thought they were truly loved, they gave you everything and the realisation that something is a lie is catastrophic, after an event like that she will never be the same. She will be half of herself, she will trust differently, she will become a man hater(temporarily or permanently) if she can afford it she will spend months upon months in therapy trying to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. No one will be able to extract her from the lonely dark hopeless pit that you put her in.
This can be further divided into levels of severity, but for times’ sake we will just discuss the act and one or two scenarios.
You are a happily married man, you love your wife or in a very serious relationship, she loves you. Everything seems fine. You go out with your friends and you end up sleeping with a skank. You regret it because of course she is a home wrecker, its her fault for seducing a drunk man. You have two choices, you can never tell you wife but live with your demon, but I have said it before, the truth always comes out. If you choose this options , it will most likely come out when your wife has shed all her pre and post pregnancy weight and is looking like a cold drink on a hot day( this is how karma rolls) She will be devastated by the lie and the betrayal, the fact that you touched someone else. She will think about if she performed oral sex amongst other things ( I am not trying to be overly explicit for entertainments sake, I want men to know the bullshit that woman think of, that the extend of our pain shifts over into self torture or self mind mutilation) She will doubt herself and what she means to you. She will hate herself for not being enough to keep you satisfied. She will definitely question her marriage. Even if she stays, things will never be the same for you. You will most probably never make love to your wife again, because your wife died when that lie was revealed. She could go out and sleep with someone out of revenge, of course we all know it has actually nothing to do with revenge, but everything to do with a need for sick validation that she is sexy, that she is still desirable, that she was not the issue, that if she is left alone in the world that she would be able to find someone dumb enough to ever want her –her self esteem would of course be at rock bottom. Besides the many nights she will cry herself to sleep, or the countless hours she will try and figure out who the hussy was, you will be left with paranoia, you will be the one worried about what she is up to, who she is with and why. It is a terrible rollercoaster.
The other options is to come clean right after it happened, not the easier options, but some face can be saved on your part, because this truly indicates a sense of remorse. The effects on her will be the same, but you will have a better chance of saving your marriage based on your ‘honesty’ The question now will be is if you actually want to save your marriage, why did you cheat in the first place, it could be because of a multitude of reasons. But painful introspection will take place for both parties. Needless to say it won’t be fun.
Having an affair is like cheating’s big brother, Bob, once you get to know Bob, he becomes the guest that never leaves. Bob will walk the road with you forever, so if your marriage ends because of Bob, it is very likely that the next woman you try and date will question if her relationship with you will end because of Bob, because to be able to be friends with Bob once means you could rekindle that sordid relationship again, ah yes, Bob, he’s a keeper!
But karma has a funny way of coming back on you. When you least expect it. Your best bet is not to do anything that can put you on the karmic naughty list.
This is not a reflection of every man; there are of course some wonderful men out there, even the ones that started out as a bad boy but have reformed, and the ones who have moved over from the dark side. The men who can hold you close and he makes you feel safe and warm and oh so very cuddly. To the guys out there who treat their ladies and themselves with respect, thank you. For the guys who took the time to teach a broken woman that not all men are the same, Thank you. For all the men out there who are man enough to read this blog and not get angry and label me a man hater, that you see the point of it, Thank you. To every man who works hard, and fights for his family and knows what he wants and cares about what she wants, Thank you. To every man out there who stepped up and fixed what they broke……THANK YOU.
I didn’t write this blog so that the ladies can say, you see it’s all the ‘mans’ fault!!This is no reason to let yourselves totally relax because we all know that there are some psychotic bitches out there who actually find the chase exciting, we need to respect each other more. Some woman abuse their appeal, some woman do exactly what the men do, and it is a very strange issue for me because it really when you boil it down, it means woman are starting and trying to exist as equals to men…just maybe on the wrong forum. Sleeping around and hurting people has never been sexy or okay or cool, man or woman! So ladies, Be free to safely sleep with whomever you want, as long as he is single. Why mess in someone else’s pot? Don’t allow yourself to become so blind that you don’t see the signs eg. He can only see you on Tuesday and every second Sunday…tsk tsk, if you still falling for this gem then Doom on you! I say it again…DOOOM ON YOU!!!
So now I have put my views on the matter out there, but I am confident that not much will change. Maybe our government, as rock star*ish* as it is, should implement a new policy….no sex before marriage, a one partner limit, any offenders will be prosecuted, no discussion will be entered into. Curfews for under age citizens, random virginity tests done at schools, population control, one child per couple and that only after 5-10 years of marriage with no previous offenses. Clubs will have a no under 40 age restrictions, all porn will be burnt in a mass fire in Durban (maybe not the Paris Hilton one-that’s more like comedy) All citizen’s will be expected to convert to Amish teachings and lifestyle….yes that should about do it.
Lol…I can hear you saying ppsshhh! She smoking that crack again! Crack head!
I’m just joking…..or am I???
If that had to happen, like many I would pack my bags and move to England ….and send for mother!
Government imposed oppression is not what’s needed, higher levels of morality from people is what is needed.
There you have it guys…a sneak peek into the chaos that the sisters go through, but hey, we are still standing and metaphorically burning our bra’s , consider this your Edu’ma’cation- Lesser Gods 101, lesson 1.
This is me, just swimming
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