It just so happened that I received an e-mail from the Tourism Star Grading Council. I thought this applied to posh places only, but I am obviously powerless to speculate.
Dale, the assessor, awarded Terrylin two stars with advice and suggestions for three, next year. The First Item on the Agenda was to spruce the place up a bit.
The main passage was looking a tad tired so SM decided the wooding flooring needed to be replaced with tiles.
He girded his loins and drove to Builder's Warehouse where he requested the services of a tiler. A motley crew sprinted to the car going for Olympic Gold and Talent, a Kenyan, was selected. He also had all his papers.
After price negotiations that John Jay would have been proud of , a contract was completed and a future appointment date was agreed upon for when I could block-off bookings. The time of Talent's arrival was strictly 7 o'clock. In the morning.
"I'll be finished in a day, Madam. You only need to block off two days," he said with authority.
On the allotted day, Talent strolled in at 9h30 and informed me that he was waiting for his assistant who was arriving on the train from some place I had never heard of. Not mentioned in the contract was that Talent did not lift existing flooring, but he was certain I was happy that he had arrived. Oh, but of course.
Talent also had the following requests - A socket to revive his cellphone. A large mug of coffee and ham and tomato sandwiches. And, for Madam to please calm down as it is not good for the nerves.
Two hours later, the assistant, Rocket, arrived frowning at his 'phone. He also had the same requests, 'before he could begin working.'
As Terrylin has a check-in time of 2pm, which most guests ignore anyway, on the third morning SM and I were going bananas. All the doors had been cordoned off with masking tape, to no avail, as there were chips of tiles, wood and cement all over the place. Even in the toilets.
At 5pm, no-one had arrived, bless them, and all was ready. Talent and Rocket then requested a substantial, additional amount as the job took longer than they thought. They kindly informed us that if we did not have the cash available we could add this onto their next invoice when they came to paint. Well, how about that? The nerve.
One of the criteria for Star Grading is Public Liability Insurance.
At this rate, I think I'll sue myself.