PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
GonzoMike
 
Comments: 12
Article views: 1
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all GonzoMike's badges.
 

The Internet: Pure Filth

26 June 2012, 12:10

So, Esteemed Internet Strangers, we are gathered here once more to discuss the finer points of this peculiar existence. Prepare yourselves, Readers, for a dangerously extended metaphor; an analogy stretched so far that, like your brittle, overwhelmed minds, it is about to snap! Read on, Disillusioned Web-o-nauts, as we plunge once more into the dank, smelly realms of the human condition: here there be monsters!  

While sailing this sweeping chasm of brain-rot and semi-digested chunks of sardine heads that we call the internet, I occasionally come across a poor soul that has slipped from the bow of sanity and reason and is slowly drowning in this toxic deluge of infectious information. If you are such an unfortunate traveler, allow me to extend my hand and hoist you aboard my tiny wooden boat. Let me wrap you in a blanket of comforting words and for a few minutes, before I toss you back into the filth and muck, know that you are safe here with me.

You must understand, Seasick Sailors, this liquid wasteland you see sprawled out before you beneath these troublesome storm clouds is not real. Blasphemy! Madness! Alas it is true. By tugging at this strange chord that dangles before me from no apparent source, watch as this virtual construct drops away like the set of a primary school stage production!

Do not fear, Good People, the bright lights and astounding colours that now dance across your screen-burnt retina are what we call Direct Experience aka “Reality”. It is a little understood phenomenon, with very few rules, if any, and unfortunately, it does not obey the programming of internet (or other) ideology. This is the nature of our chaotic universe, Exhausted Drifter, but fear not, with a snap of my fingers, I have returned you to the safety of your neatly ordered worldview and virtual existence.

Adrift once more on this rickety vessel together, it is an easy mistake to make to think that the potentially life-altering experience we have just undergone has bonded the two of us in ways that would be impossible in “real-life”. This simply is not so, I’m afraid. I have lured you onto my boat under false pretences and now, I must ask that you return my blanket. Please, do not think of me as a cruel individual, as I tip you out into the cold, fetid waters once more to fend for yourself against the noxious tide, for I am not cruel. I am a trickster; not a sadist. A jester; not a devil.

Farewell, friend! As my boat disappears against the putrid horizon, understand that I act out of love. I do hope that you take heed of the obscure moral contained within this whimsical flight of fancy: please, do not exhaust yourself floundering about in that swampy stuff when the dangly chord is so very near at hand.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
12 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Shaun Engel
Gone in 60 Minutes..

From the briefing before you enter the room till the end your heart is racing, an adrenaline, fun filled 60 minutes. Read more...

0 comments 68 views
Submitted by
Jenelle Joanne Ramsami
Break the Silence

The campaign for the for the deaf/hard of hearing community: Break the Silence lets Hearing Aids Rock. Read more...

1 comments 54 views
Jacob Zuma is a Great Man

Zuma is a wonderful father and an all-round nice guy. Read more...

18 comments 763 views
Submitted by
Confidence Seleme
Young and living on purpose

I remember when I was 16 years old and addicted to marijuana (dagga). I’d always been a curious kid and it was this curiosity that led me down this path. It started quite casually.  Read more...

16 comments 845 views
Submitted by
SapientiaEtVeritas
Hunting rumbles on social media

Let me state clearly. I have never hunted or killed any animal that would either end up as biltong or as meat on my plate.  Read more...

10 comments 253 views
Submitted by
Gail Shorkend
Corruption

Corruption is rife in South Africa. Everywhere you turn their is corruption. It is truly pathetic. Read more...

9 comments 242 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.