Written by Fana The Purp
Men don’t cry, men are rocks. Men are species of logic and not emotion. Crying is for pussies and small boys. But why do we have tears? What did tears do wrong to men for them to be outcast?
It’s too much though, we hold in a lot. Not all of us are strong enough. Unfortunately there is one alternative to life and that is death, suicide to be specific. Is it fair for our society to lose good men over denial of a few tears? This is not only about tears but how African men are coded. We are too hard, we are too rigid, and we are too strong.
I am aware and understanding of the minimum strength required being a man. Yet I am not sure of the relevance of having an all round strong man. The primary functions of men dictate a man to be the source of safety and sustenance. Without strength these primary functions cannot be executed. But is it wise to suppress male emotion completely in the process?
Over the weekend I discussed my father’s death with a special friend of mine. I almost cried in her presence, and I am not sure if that’s allowed. She knows me and likes me for being strong and dominant. How would she look at me after I wipe my tears and try to be the strong dominant I am? What do I think of myself as a man if I cry in the presence of a woman?
All these questions stopped me from crying. If I had cried things would have changed, I assume so. I am not sure if I would still feel like a man after breaking down in front of her. How is it possible that a few drops of tears can alter my status as a man? Even though I do not find being soft appealing, I think I should be allowed to cry in private. And mostly I should be allowed to cry in front of my woman without her viewing me as weak.
We are a team, and I should rely on her even at my weakest. Yet I should never be a cry baby, the same rule still applicable. A man’s tears are a sign of unbearable hardship, ka tika. But what qualifies as unbearable? Does it help to cry as a man or it is just an unnecessary human ability? All I know is that nothing changes after you wipe your tears. Then why bother crying in the first place? Why risk being reduce in status as a man if tears produce no solution?
Which side am I on? I am on the side of fairness. I don’t think it is a good idea to restrict men and turn us into rocks. Yet we must be careful to not breed soft men who cry instead of acting at the speed of solution. Emotions are natural, and men must be granted right to access them. But emotions must be restricted for obvious reasons. Emotions complicate a lot of things and are not practical in problem solving.
With all said and done, can I cry as a man? What does it mean when I cry? How does it change who I am? What’s the point of having tears if I cannot cry? Is crying in public help? Just go to the bathroom and cry, then come out and be what society expects of you – YES?
Twitter: @FanaThePurpMan (@FanaThePurpBlog)
Facebook group: Fana The Purp
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