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James Francis
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The Worst Films Of 2012

18 December 2012, 20:08
Most of the following films made plenty of cash. But they were still low points in what we should expect from our movies.

Total Recall
It is one thing when a movie starts badly, but quite another when it hits the ground running and then collapses into a heap of confusion. Lifting ideas from the original and then just shoehorning them in did this no favours.

Wrath Of The Titans
Everyone who made this film did it for the money. And since when did Perseus like the gods? At least the previous movie pretended that it cared what the audience thought. This one was made so that a movie exec could buy another boat.

The Dark Knight Rises
We had mopey, iffy Batman. It was called Batman Begins. Here we have him again, except now everyone is mopey. Batman loses all his detective abilities and eventually gives his cowl over to a guy he meets all of twice in the movie. At least Joel Schumacher’s Batman could kick ass and solve problems...

Who wants to pay money to see a Bond themed around “I’m too old for this sh*t”? And a villain who had Sean Bean’s motivation, but spent much less time planning his revenge? Goldeneye was far, far, far better.

The Amazing Spider-Man
Well, it’s no surprise this was vapid and flashy. But we all know how Peter Parker becomes Spider-Man, so why waste half the movie on reminding us? As Spider-Man he fights, like, three criminals before the big showdown...

Moonrise Kingdom
You either love or hate Wes Anderson’s movies. But even many of his fans struggled with this, which felt like someone made a really good imitation of his works. It’s exactly as quirky and left-of-field as you’d expect - a low point for a director known to push his art to new levels.

John Carter
Convoluted plot-twists and hard-to-absorb characters are the hallmarks of a Wes Anderson movie, not a bombastic sci-fi epic. Yet here we are: over two hours of navel-gazing and bizarre events that make you wish Flash Gordon would show up and sort them all out.

Snow White And The Huntsman
Charlize Theron makes for a great wicked queen - everyone agrees there. But when the rest of the characters makes the movie’s dark, gothic decor appear bright and blossoming, you have a problem...

This should have gone all-out. The best moment is when they practically make a battleship do a handbrake turn. If only the rest of the film was that ridiculous. But it’s not...
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