PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
ThinkingChick
 
Comments: 45
Article views: 7249
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all ThinkingChick's badges.
 

This article has been selected as an Editor’s Choice report. Articles are selected based on quality of writing, audience response, newsworthiness and originality, and is at the discretion of the MyNews24 editors.

The Zombie Apocalypse is here

31 May 2012, 11:11
At the risk of seeming to be entirely bored by the ANC's bullying and racist shrieks from everyone, has nobody else noticed the beginning of the Zombie Apocalypse?

Seriously, I started paying attention when that poor homeless guy in Miami had 80% of his face eaten off by someone else. They were both naked under a bridge. The eater was shot the first time and simply growled at the policeman. It took another five shots to kill him. Sound familiar? It should if you have watched any zombie movie or played Resident Evil.

Then there is the Japanese artist who, at 22, decided he was a-sexual enough to remove his genitals and cook them, selling them to the highest bidder in a restaurant. An artistic expression I, personally, find a lot more bizarre than anything our South Africans could come up with.

But that's not all folks, the Chinese, known for interesting food, have been producing dead baby pills and condoning the consumption of fetuses.

Then there are severed limbs being sent to various Canadian government departments.

So, when the Zombie Apocalypse is seen for what it is and not just a bunch of coincidental occurrences, there are some things you might want to bear in mind in order to stay alive and in-skin (not like poor face-munched guy in Miami):

1. Pull yourself together. Zombies cannot deal with water. Find a lake, pond, ocean, dam and buy a boat. Alternatively, find a house somewhere with a pool and claim squatting rights.
2. Get armed. Zombies are only killed by a shot to the head, or completely removing the head from its already-dead corpse. There is no need to feel bad -- like I said, it's already dead. Also, while being grateful we live in a country that allows for private gun ownership remember his very important fact: you need to shoot them twice in the head. This is known as the double-tap.
3. Kill them all. If someone you know is bitten by a zombie, shoot it in the head. No messing about with this. They definitely will become zombies and, remember, you like your face where it is. So, mom got bitten? "Bye mom."
4. Zombies do not discriminate. Zombies are not racist. They do not care if you are a card-carrying ANC or KKK member, or a Christian or Muslim -- holy water will not work here folks. They want your flesh. Humans - the other white meat. They also have no brains, which makes reasoning with them about as easy as trying to convince Mugabe that he really has no business being a tourism ambassador to the UN.
5. Run. Very important - it doesn't matter how fast you can run, just make sure you are always with someone who can run slower than you can.

And that's all folks. Honestly, there are bigger things to worry about right now than the president's penis. Like your own face.





Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
45 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
QuickandDirty
Pixel dating

You know what I would like to be able to do: pixel dating! I’m talking about being able to determine the date a pixel in a digital image was last edited.  Read more...

0 comments 51 views
Submitted by
Vusumuzi Shongwe
The spy tapes

The past week was experienced a lot of hullabaloo about the tapes as if their contents where known to the Democratic Alliance Read more...

2 comments 43 views
Submitted by
Thomas Freeman
Famous atheist dies

Christians should now rest a little bit easier; seeing that he has departed from this world and into oblivion, like all living creatures go one day.  Read more...

88 comments 3976 views
Car spinning and illegal drag rac...

Some people believe that drag racing is a bad habit that only increases the number of bad drivers on the road, while others take it as a hobby and a way of making money. Read more...

2 comments 719 views
Submitted by
Neil Van Der Linde
How NOT to ski - enduring Shawnee...

Chemistry shows us the importance of mixing precise quantities to elicit the perfect result.  Read more...

0 comments 144 views
Submitted by
Sibusiso Banda
Account of EFF chaos in Parliamen...

I watched Thursday’s events unfold right in front of me.  Read more...

2 comments 1140 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Up to 40% off fashion accessories

Save up to 40% on selected handbags, purses, watches, jewellery and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Save up to R2000 on top electronics

Get every day mind bowing savings on top electronics. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

As seen on TV - New book releases at only R199 each

Get mind blowing book savings on new titles. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Save up to 50% on Women’s month treats!

Celebrate the awesome women in your life with awesome treats like beauty products, fashion accessories, bestselling books, electronics and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 60% off - clearance sale!

Save up to 60% on appliances, books, electronics, toys, movies and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.