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The bride of the future

22 June 2014, 07:43

Every now and again my genius shines like an eskom loadshedding alert warning light and I see into the future. I bring you today's vision... today:

I was driving back form a job when I had to stop for petrol(I'm not that kind of a genius).

As I was reading the pump, I saw that red = metal additives and; green = no metal added, and that we now drive on 95 octane here in coastal areas.

back in the day metal additives meant higher octane also,and you really could actually headbang to the metal-added fuel as the car was so much more sporty, you just had to top up with red petrol and listen to metallica. come to think of it. Petrol was R2 a liter, Beer was R30 a case and sigarettes, well free, cause you could still get away with bumbing cigarrettes from everyone.

Rasta Green petrol was useful only for wimp driving and moms driving kids to choir practice until..... or that remote ganja farmer who would listen to reggae on his way to work and back.

Since the discovery of weapons of mass destruction, the cars dropped to a lower octane, and we all started listening to reggae. All cars flipped over to Green and George W. Bush was selling oil in dollars again.

And as I was thinking of dollars, I realized that I'm going bankrupt as I'm thinking genius thoughts to myself.

As the dollars started to tick over on the pump my jolly thinking started to smile less, and as the tank filled up, my mood, and face went down to far lower than the rand dollar exchange could ever take it.

Petrol is expensive and it was zapping my groove.

But a couple of things also occured to me:

If we wanted to improve the environment, then surely we'd increase the punch and get more voooooom for less petrol?

Why did we ever lower the octane on the petrol. Should the engines not gave gotten smaller???

Is higher octane, smaller engines not better for the environment? With the price of petrol so high, we'd surely like to use less of it, and with environment going up in hellfire climate change, then surely less juice = less poluiton.

I don't really know, but to me that seems logical. Open to debate I recon.

But my ingenuity didn't stop there. I then had a glimse of the future, where a man would not propose with a diamond ring, but with a jerry can of green petrol... to help sweeten the deal.

With the price of petrol going up and up and as the cars are becoming less and less streamline, surely a man going down on his knees, with a can of petrol, would seem appealing to the future materialistic bride-to-be. Diamonds are really just coal and don't pack a whole lot of energy.

A different story if you fill up a whole barbeque of diamonds and light that. That tends to burn better, and surprisingly little smoke, If you burn like a 50 kg bag of cut diamonds it does make for very glittery fire and the chicks used to dig that sort of scene, but really not far you can go on that. What a boring fuel.

The petrol attendant of the future is gonna be that guy who gets a girl places..., and may well be that dream job that lands you that mansion in Juju's neighborhood.

Watch this space.

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