PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 18
Article views: 632
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

The horror! The horror!

05 January 2013, 10:50

In his inaugural address Franklin D. Roosevelt is credited to have said: “Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

This, obviously, is nonsense. Frankie knew nothing of fear – I do. Let me tell you my sorry story.

Some people are terrified of spiders, snakes, ghosts, various creepy-crawlies, heights, water, the tokoloshe, crowds, and open spaces. Even those who do not fear specific *goggas, or have specific phobias (phobii?), can be made to jump when given an unexpected fright.

Yours truly, on the other hand, never catches a **skrik. Maybe my reactions are too slow; or it could be that I’m just too thick to recognise imminent danger. (OK, I’ll admit – there was that ONE time when I ran slap bang into a fat, naked old lady in the ablution block at a holiday resort, after taking the wrong entrance. The tiled floor was wet, and I was slipping and sliding all over the place in an effort to get away – while she was screaming at the top of her voice over the top of her overabundant mammary glands. Now THAT was scary!)

I’ve done some pretty scary things in my misspent youth: skydiving, bungee jumping, river rafting, abseiling, spelunking, coming home to the wife at three in the morning, scuba diving, listened to Steve Hofmeyr, seen Eugene Terreblanche in person, drank beer in a Soweto ***shebeen in 1982, went to bed with a rooster, kissed my mother-in-law (PBUH), poached wild game and collected poisonous snakes in Botswana and Namibia, etc, etc.

Nothing, I tell you. It was nothing. I was not scared in the least.

So what is my sorry story? What fills me with nameless, unadulterated, unreasoning, unjustified terror – which paralyzes the needed efforts to convert retreat into advance? What turns my innards into jelly, and tests my body’s urine retaining mechanism to breaking point?

THE DENTIST! That’s who!

Just thinking of the sound of the dentist’s drill, or the scraping of his tool (the stainless steel one) against me teeth, is enough to make me break out in cold sweat and turn my hands into a clammy, shaking mass of worthless digits.

I have an apprehension about dentists that borders on the insane. The night before a visit to the dentist is one long nightmare. I find myself thinking up the weirdest excuses not to go. If I drop off to sleep, it is only to wake up, covered it sweat, shaking like a leaf.

I once read a story about a dentist who found out that his wife was having an affair with his neighbour. When the neighbour (who was unaware that the dentist knew of his unadulterated affair) came to have a tooth extracted (Eish! I hate that word!), the dentist injected him, and duly amputated his tongue!

Since then, as soon as I feel my mouth becoming numb from the dentist’s injection, I tend to move my tongue as far away from that side of my mouth as possible – sometimes nearly succeeding in pushing it through my cheek. (Not that I’ve had any adulterous affairs with Mrs Dentist, you understand, but just to be on the safe side.)

In the novella Heart of Darkness, written by Joseph Conrad – as Kurtz dies he whispers: “The horror! The horror!”

That sums up my feelings about this coming Monday: My appointment with the DENTIST!

*goggas – from the Bonga-Bonga meaning: a bug’s grandmother (see also: gogo)

**skrik – pee in the pants from fright

***shebeen – upper-class club

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
18 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Tiisetso Maloma
Open letter to minister of Small ...

Below I list a few things which I believe frustrate entrepreneurship growth and acceleration in South Africa.  Read more...

9 comments 695 views
The alarming issues relating to y...

Unemployment is one of the key indicators of poverty and has various negative effects on people. Read more...

12 comments 343 views
Submitted by
Logan
Impeach President Zuma

Why do we expect the best from professionals in all areas of our normal day-to-day, but accept what clearly is nowhere near sufficient from our President? Read more...

11 comments 796 views
Submitted by
jerrypitie
Investing in the poor pays much f...

It is nothing but a wreck of a thought and act of pruning short cuts for the lazy and the ignorants. Read more...

28 comments 647 views
Submitted by
Juanne Coetzee
Potential armed shopping robbers ...

ARREST - SAPS at their best Read more...

3 comments 1042 views
Submitted by
Jotta Malvern Booysen
Open letter to Premier Helen Zill...

After kidney failure people need a new kidney or dialysis to live. If you do not get dialysis, toxins will build up in your blood and water will fill your lungs and you will die. Read more...

31 comments 2196 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Seen something you like in our catalogue?

Find the perfect gift and save up to R5000 – As seen on the catalogue. Hurry and shop now!

Save up to R1000 on Hisense smartphones!

View the large range of Hisense smartphones. Buy today and save up to R1000!

Toys 4 for the price of 3

Buy 4 toys and get the cheapest FREE! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Mind blowing prices – As seen on TV

Get mind blowing prices on 1000’s of products! Shop now.

Deal of the week!

Save R1200 on the Samsung 48” smart full HD LED television now only R8799. Buy now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.