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Irukandji
 
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The language of the Pee Pool

13 July 2014, 17:00

The hundreds of thousands of unemployed pee pool in this godforsaken country are blaming Zuma for their woes. But if you were the owner of a business or company, would YOU employ them?

With the collapse of the education system here in the Ar-se of Africa (RSA), the vast majority of school children (I refuse to call them “learners,” because they certainly do not seem to be “learning” anything at school), are hopelessly illiterate.

You don’t have to be a genius to spot the incredibly inadequate level education and literacy of the average contributor to News24.

Now, before you pee your panties – I realise that English might not be the first language of most of the “pee pool,” but, gods Gert, this is a poor excuse for the way they murder the British Language!

Let me tell you a little secret: I cannot speak a word of Hungarian. And I certainly will not make a poephol out of myself by uploading articles, comments, or photo captions, on the Hungarian equivalent of News24.

I’m not a member of the Language Police – but I believe that if you have something to say, at least afford your reader the common courtesy of checking your spelling and grammar.

Some of us have come to accept the hodgepodge, and mumbo-jumbo, spoken by the black pee pool of this country. I never will. I don’t stuff up their Bongo-bongo languages – and I expect the same from them.

To me, the manner in which you speak and write a language is a clear indication of your level of education. Finish and klaar.

Please don’t tell me that the outie who comes up to you and says: “Hoessit, ek sê, my bla!” is well educated.

Or the minister who wants: “All the role playas and membas must come togetha to tock about these issue. The pee pool must have chops, and free howzees where they can leave, and free electree seety, and govvermint grunts.”

“Our teechas must empowa the lennas to become docktas, and nesses, and lawyas, and socca playas. The whites must give back the fums which they have stolen from our fourfathas, or we wheel take them to cot.”

“And once we haf their fums, we will stuff their peegs and animals till they die from thest and hunga. Then we’ll ben the rest of the fum.”

“We have put the struckchas and suppott stuff in place the reep the benny feet of the struggool. Even as we speek, the fyjas are benning – we are heffing a big putty tonight. Our Chinese comrades are also inviteed. We have marinated dock meet just for them.”

So much for the spoken wed of the pee pool.

Let’s look at some of the captions to photos uploaded by the News24 community. I particularly enjoyed the contribution by ZZ9. If you don’t believe me, check it for yourself:

Vb. Knggkglujj, Submitted by ZZ9

chilling out...Submitted by Trompy Elia

i was at ma matric fairwell, Submitted by Ndyebo Mbombo

This is the mixture of traditional or original beer from rural arial. Submitted by Wonder Makitla

this is a new ALL STAR leather that coast R1200, Submitted by Nsuku Trevor

Nothing sereus, Submitted by Sibongiseni Msuthu Rendy

Be honest now. Would you employ any of this pee pool to wek for you? Aswhat? Doing what?

What is that motto on the South African Coat of Arms?

“!ke e: /xarra //ke.” Which means: “Illiterate People Unite.”

Not on your Nellie, Sakkie! I spent too many nights burning the midnight oil – studying – to “Unite” with a bunch of illiterate fools!

My advice to the pee pool: If you want to run with the big docks, you have to learn to buck like a big dock.

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