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Godless Heathen
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The long walk to Atheism part 1

15 July 2014, 07:12
Once upon a long time ago in a village to the East called Nelspruit a baby boy was born at a very young age. His parents were excited and happy but the news did not care because they were not famous like John, Paul, Ringo and George or even Marilyn. He was one of a few babies born that day to happy parents throughout the known universe so as an event it was rather unremarkable.
He was joined by two younger brothers over the following two years. The joy of these births was not celebrated across the land, but was welcomed by the grandparents, the cousins and the Uncles and Aunts. If only they knew! The boys grew up with minimal religious interference for the first years of their lives. They adored the Tooth Fairy, Father Christmas and knew that books were exciting because there were always books around. They heard tales of fairies, giants, marionettes that became a real little boy and much more.
The time came for the boys to start wondering where they came from. They were told that Mom and Dad had caught a monkey, shaved it and cut off it's tail. Proof was offered. The tree in which the monkeys had been caught was in GingGing and Pappas garden. Look Dad carved your names in the tree when you were caught. This tale kept the boys satisfied for a time but eventually the truth had to be told. 
The boys were devestated to learn that the magic that allowed them to climb the tallest trees was not because they were monkeys but because they had opposable thumbs. At some point their Dad was convicted of a crime and had to live somewhere else for a while. The boys did not know about the crime but were heartbroken that Dad was not going to be around for a while. At this time Mom got offered a job in a far distant place. 
The adventure of being driven in Uncle George's truck for two days was something they would remember for life. The boys were moving closer to their cousins and found themselves in a little town called Mariental. The first boy had already passed class 1 and was going into class 2. They were English and he had never heard an Afrikaans word in his life. The school he went to was Afrikaans and all his little friends spoke funny, The language was however quickly learned and the boy passed class 2 with the best score in class for sums and spelling.
At this point it was decided that the boy should be taught about religion. He visited the local Catholic mission and learned all about Jesus, Mary and the big Kahoona himself. Mom got offered a different job and the boy was moved again, Mom was going to work in Windhoek and the boy was going to school in Okahandja. The boarding school had it's benefits but he missed his mommy terribly. Every Sunday he went to church with all of the koshuis seuns and found out about the Afrikaans God. This bloke didn't like jeans in his church. It was a skande when a young teenage boy came to church in his denims. 
A few years later, a few towns later and a few schools later, a while of never going to church, the Boy went to high school and decided he wanted to be English again. He was sent to boarding school in the town of his birth, near to granny and grandpa, He spent most of his weekends in the hostel. Boredom and loneliness led to the boy attending youth club on friday nights, going on day jols with the youth pastor and attending two church services on Sundays. The boy got saved and loved Jesus with all his heart. 
He was there for every band practice just watching, His idols were Gary and the Bergstrom girls, the local Christian band, He did a play and learned about Josephus and knew that Jesus was real. Josephus said so and the Bible said so, He cried tears of joy when his friends got saved. He moved back home to go to yet another school. He attended a big church, watched the healings, saw people speaking in tongues and couldn't understand why with his devotion, why the holy spirit wasn't allowing him to speak in tongues. 
He asked the pastor and the pastor said, you have open your mouth and start, the holy spirit will the show you the way. The boy learned how to speak in tongues, how to pray for healing but he was not God's chosen one despite it being his desire to become a missionary to the commies and the heathens in Africa. He finshed school and went on to work staying in a hostel, he joined the prayer groups, met Cecil and Antonie. They met in each others rooms every day to read a little from the book and to get Gods blessing for the day. They went to Church three times every Sunday, went to the youth groups, joined the prayer circles and  worshiped God at every opportunity. 
Cecil was a few years older than the Boy and all Cecil asked from God was to give him a wife, someone to love and care for. God ignored Cecil. In a church of some 4000 sould there was no wife for poor Cecil. You see Cecil was not a good looking bloke, he was prematurely balding, had a big nose and the most infectious laugh. The girls in the church ignored Cecil and God didn't get involved. 
Cecil backslid, found drugs and eventually an overdose. The young man was confused, Why would the loving creator allow this to happen. The church advised us to keep away from Cecil as he was not a good Christian, In fact he was getting very close to being satans own. That young man still thinks of Cecil and his very simple needs. He was one of the nicest people that young man has ever met. God let him down and it started the young man thinking. If God didn't care for Cecil, did he care for anyone else?
The young man asked God to help his beloved Grandad, and once again God did nothing, Grandad died in agony, a husk of himself, Cancer is a real bastard. The young man started looking around and noticed that the pastor had a nice car, beautiful suits and there were people in the church that were living very poorly, They had nothing, what little they had the gave to Pastor Theo, They begged God for their bounty and it never came.
The young man ran into some very interesting blokes wearing orange togas and had a chat, They told him things he had never heard before. He found a book called Dianetics and read it, The stuff in there was unbelievable. His mother invited him to come to a spiritualist church. Even more stuff was learned. The young man was very confused. He spoke to the pastor but the the man had no answers for the poverty that others were suffering, No answers about Cecil, Obviously Cecil did not have enough faith. The young man read the New teastament where Jesus said ask and ye shall receive, there was no prevarication, there, seek and ye shall find, no prevarication there either. He realised that the Pastor knew no more than him. 
He read the Bible cover to cover looking for answers and found contradiction after contradiction, and most importantly no answers. He went to the library and found books on numerology, the kaballah, other gods and became more and more confused. The answers he was looking for were not there. Standing among those books he met a man who said to him, What if there are no answers? What if there are no Gods? What if every one is wrong?
For years after that he read all sorts of things, attended different churches, went to synagogues, even a mosque looking for answers, He never did find those answers he was looking for. He decided that he would sell his soul to Satan, because if Satan existed then God must too. He knew that he had an out if he really needed it, all he had to do was to gain forgiveness. 
He prayed to Satan and Satan ignored him too. The young man felt very unworthy and disappointed, God didn't want to bless him and satan didn't either. In a conversation with someone else he asked the question, Does God exist? and the man said I don't know and don't much care.  The man told him he was agnostic. In all his searches he had never heard this word before. 
He asked more questions and was told about Atheists. These were people that denied God existed because they could not find any proof of his existence. The young man suddenly realised that in all his searching he had never found any proof of God's existence. He couldn't even find God's nemesis. That is the day he first identified as Atheist. 

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