PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 22
Article views: 2153
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

The minister lied and I’m glad!

23 December 2012, 22:08

No, the lying minister is not one of the corrupt ANC clowns in government – that’s not news – I’m referring to the padre who officiated at my wedding.

Many years ago – my then girlfriend decided to make an honest man of me – she convinced me to ask her for her hand in marriage. In a moment of weakness, I did the evil deed. Not THE evil deed, you understand (in those days, doing the evil deed when you were not married, was frowned upon by society), I just did what she asked – I formally proposed.

I then went the whole hog: Begged my future in-laws to allow me to marry their daughter, conveyed the news to my parents, bought a suit, told my friends, and contacted a minister. And that was when the problems started.

My wife was a member of the Nederduitse Gereformeerde Kerk (NGK), or Dutch Reformed Church; as they were known in Beschaafd Nederlands, oftewel Hoog Hollands.  

The NGK minister was called “Dominee.” He was a serious, pompous old coot, who looked me up and down, and then, in a voice like Charlton Heston in The Ten Commandments after he received the Stone Tablets, asked: “Is jy aangeneem en voorgestel as ‘n lid van die gemeente, Boet?”

For you atheists and disbelievers out there, it means something like: “Have you been initiated into the NGK Club, bro?”

Now let me tell you this: No one is ever going to circumnavigate me, like they do to those poor defenceless Jewish boys in the Bible! I did boxing as a sport in school! This was going to be one helluva fight between the Dominee and me.

Luckily, my wife came to the rescue (protecting her own interests, as well as my jewels), and explained that I first had to study the Bible according to the NGK doctrine: Blacks and moffies were bad; the Nats were good; soccer was bad; rugby was good; Dominee knows best, and God always does exactly what Dominee tells Him to do.)

In the end, I decided that the club fees (collection money) were a bit too steep for my liking. I then approached a Methodist Padre with no scruples. Don’t get me wrong – he had plenty of scruples – but I had none.

The hardest thing about the whole preparation for the wedding ceremony was memorising the wedding vows. And what a passion killer it was too! Here I was thinking of our honeymoon (and doing the evil deed at last!), while reciting horrible words such as:  “Do you take this ..., worse, poorer, sickness, and death.”

Be that as it may, at some stage I distinctly heard him say: “You (meaning the two of us) shall be one.”

Finally, after listening to the Scruple Man for what seemed like hours, I was allowed to kiss my bride. Legally. It was nice. We were married at last.

The years went by in a flash. As in the Bible (where Abraham knew Sarah), I knew my wife, and we started begatting.

First, we begat a daughter. Then we begat a son. Our daughter begot married and begat a daughter of her own. My son also begot married and also begat a daughter.

Somewhere, with all the begatting going on, the wife I decided we had begotten enough children. I decided to take stock of my offspring – a family census so to speak. Not counting my son-in-law and daughter-in-law (which I did not begat), we were six. (Me, the wife, son, daughter, and two granddaughters.)

Tomorrow night we shall be together; all six of us. I can think of nothing better in this world than having them all around, and over me. What a blessing!

The minister lied when he said we shall be one.

I’m so glad he did!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
22 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
CandK
The pearls of an Atheist Easter

I have an extended family that are Christian, and we are not talking the love they neighbour, forgive your mates and do the right thing, of the good old bishop Tutu kind. Read more...

145 comments 1374 views
Submitted by
Makate Rapulana
The colour of corruption

The word "corruption" is without doubt the most (ab)used and politicised word in South Africa.  Read more...

36 comments 729 views
Submitted by
Makate Rapulana
Who is watching the watchdog?

The late chief justice Pius Langa once averred: “I think judges should have a thick skin. We work in public, we give our judgments in public, and we give reasons for those judgments." Read more...

6 comments 248 views
Submitted by
Narian Chengiah Naidoo
A Civilized Society

Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. said, "Taxes are what we pay for a civilized society." Those words carry value and meaning only if "civilized" is understood as being good, happy and beneficial to all citizens. Read more...

7 comments 555 views
Submitted by
Rodney Bevan
SA under Zuma

Jacob Zuma, along with a handful of cronies has single handedly almost destroyed the country, its people and its economy. Read more...

38 comments 2951 views
Submitted by
The Fox 5366
Illegal Miners: Voiceless Prostit...

There's been a lot said about legalising prostitution so that prostitutes can be protected, receive healthcare and not be victimised. Read more...

11 comments 705 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Escape winter, head to Mauritius

Escape winter by spending 7 nights in Mauritius' tropical bliss from R13 215 per person sharing. Includes return flights, airport transfers and accommodation. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Get many eggs in one basket!

Gaming bundles: 2 Super Hits games for R99, 3 Disney games for R99 and more + exclusive accessory bundles only available on kalahari.com. While stocks last. Shop now!

25% off bestselling books!

The Real Meal Revolution by Tim Noakes, Jeffrey Archer’s Be Careful What You Wish for, Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frank and many more titles. Shop now!

Up to 25% off electronics

Buy top electronics and save up to 25%. Such as kalahari.com’s 1# selling product the gobii eReader, Patriot X Porter flash drive, Asus Nexus 7” 3G tablet, Samsung Galaxy SIII, Lenovo G580 Notebook and many more. Shop now!

DStv HD PVR Decoder now R949

The DStv HD PVR Decoder has further revolutionised the television experience with lifelike viewing, sharper images, more vibrant colours and precision picture quality. Now R949, save R550. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 30% off appliances & homeware

Save up to 30% on appliances and homeware this Easter! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now.

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Digital Media & Marketing Association
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.