Die of laughter perhaps…
I want to do this before 21 December 2012 flies by and my attempts at debunking the entire brouhaha surrounding this date be merely written off as me being an 'after the fact' genius.
I will be an a priori genius and forevermore silence those who may (post 21 Dec 2012) say that I was probably scared shitless in my room and only gained the courage to debunk this conspiracy after it was already evident to all it was nonsense.
I'm going to blow this entire 2012 nonsense to bits, so if you are one of those nauseating, crystal-waving, chakra charging new-age spiritualists, then fuck off! I am going to shatter your universe... and expose your primitive thinking for the entire world to see!
The 2012 hoax has become, frankly, the most spectacular and most elaborately concocted conspiracy ever to circle the globe. It makes the Y2K thing look like a joke. 2012 is the mother of all conspiracies because all conspiracy theories about end times are being siphoned into this date. Why is this whole 2012 thing so prolific? Simple... technology! The world is more wired now than a decade ago when the Y2K scare did the rounds. Another factor is the fascination people of today have with the murmurings, scribbling, and attempts at critical thinking by people who lived thousands of years ago.
There are also countless idiots out there working feverishly with all kinds of concocted formulas to turn the end-time prophecies of all major religions into pointers to the Mayan 2012 event. Of course, believers are numbering in the millions and this whole thing, again, exposes how primitive the average person actually is. Being called an evolved primate is a title most humans have yet to earn and this 2012 nonsense, and the following it generated, proves it!
Let us go through some of the predicted events. You may notice they threw everything they had at this doomsday prediction (maybe they are hoping for a hit from one of them). I will deal with these 'predictions' as Saddam Hussein did at his inauguration. He had those members of the government who held opposing views called out by a traitor, taken outside, and executed on live television.
Number 1: Niburu or Planet-X flyby / collision
This is a sick, sad joke and the fact that people can believe there is a planet 4X the mass of Jupiter that flies about our solar system like a wrecking ball is evident to how desperately we need cosmology taught in schools!
There are no ROGUE planets in our Solar system. The people who claim that the gravitational silhouette of Niburu was detected in the previous century never bother to look up what caused the anomaly. It was Saturn, which, at the time, was considered much less massive than it actually is (blame it on the limited technology they had available at the time). So, they did not expect it to generate so much gravity as to affect the orbits of the outer planets of our solar system.
Around 2006, the predictions were that we would soon detect Niburu headed our way and that by 2009 it would be visible to the naked eye, and in 2011 would be the biggest object in the sky after the full moon. Well, where is it then? Officially, according to the Niburu experts who are tracking its movements, Niburu is hiding (yes HIDING!) behind the sun!
With all that has been said of Niburu, I'm surprised the thing does not wear blue jeans, listen to lady GaGa, and prefer smoking Peter Stuyvesant cigarettes! Niburu is such an advanced planet that it does not orbit the sun, it consciously flies about as it pleases, and plays peek-a-boo with our Astronomers and their big telescopes by hiding behind the sun. It will probably hide there until the last few minutes before 21 Dec 2012 and then pounce on us with such speed that we won't see it coming.
I deem this one NONSENSE and DEBUNKED!
Number 2: Dimensional Ascension (possibly to the 4th or Nth dimension)
While some of our brightest minds in physics are destroying their minds with complex math to even ascertain the probability of extra dimensions existing--let alone if we can access them from ours--the crystal-wavers already know of all 11 dimensions and exactly when we will ascend to the 4th dimension and onwards on our imminent 'spiritual awakening.'
Perhaps this prediction is the most primitive of them all, despite it trying to sound most complex and impressive. It again highlights humankind’s servile nature. We want some external event to help us make the changes we are each responsible for making on our own. Whether it’s a tortured and bleeding Jew nailed to a wooden jig, or whether it’s a dimensional ascension of the entire planet to force us into a higher vibrational frequency (and thus, supposedly, a more peaceful way of thinking), nobody wants to take responsibility for their own upliftment here on earth!
I won't even go into the science of extra dimensions. Frankly, even though I study this stuff, I don't understand it completely, so I doubt these vegetarian, crystal-wavers do, and I most certainly call HOKUM on their unproven, untestable explanations of higher dimensions and vibrational frequencies that supposedly have everything to do with why mankind is still so primitive and violent.
I deem this one NONSENSE and DEBUNKED!
Number 3: The Sun will explode or unleash cataclysmic solar storms on the earth (killing us all)
This prediction is the result of what I call, when someone hears a bell ringing but is not sure from whence the sound came. There is SOME validity to this prediction, but it has been exaggerated to shameful proportions. The sun goes through an 11-year cycle. At the peak of this cycle is the solar maximum, marked by an increased number of sunspots and thermal and magnetic activity on the surface of the sun. These magnetic disturbances sometimes snap, projecting billions of tonnes worth of high-energy particles, sometimes, in the direction of the earth.
While solar radiation is dangerous, you'd have to be in space to really suffer any ill health or even death. Life on earth is protected by earth’s magnetosphere, which deflects some, but also absorbs and redirects the rest of these supercharged particles. Our sun is still a young star; it has another 5 billion years to go before it explodes and collapses into a white dwarf. Before it explodes, it will swell into a Red Giant, which would mean the end of life on earth (and potentially the entire earth, as well). But this is still hundreds of millions of years away before we have to worry about the ramblings and insults of an aging star.
We may have some seriously big CMEs (Coronal Mass Ejections) in 2012-2013 because this is the peak of the next solar maximum. But in the worst-case scenario, this may lead to rolling blackouts as the charge particles overload the transformers in our cities' power grid. It may also knock out (temporarily) some of our GPS satellites, which could cause some people to get lost in the wilderness and die (having no way to navigate back to civilization), but that is about the worst of it. The satellites in orbit won't be out for long because they are shielded from radiation overload (believe it or not, the people who build these satellites actually know about solar radiation and build them to withstand even severe solar storms).
So while this one has some element of truth in it, I still call it mostly NONSENSE and DEBUNKED!
Number 4: Rapid earth polar shifts (As them which ones, the magnetic, or physical poles) - oh... errr... both!
At least the discovery channel is helping people understand some geographical phenomena on planet earth a little bit better than people used to understand them in centuries gone by. Yes, the earth is currently experiencing a pole sift. A magnetic pole shift, that is, and it will take thousands of years for the magnetic poles to flip. This has, and will continue to happen without any cataclysmic effects for life on earth.
See, this is why you need to understand evolution. All this pole flipping, solar fits of anger, and planetary alignments have happened for literally ILLIONS of years without killing off life on earth, and, thus, there is no reason to believe we will be snuffed out by these events today or in the future. But when you think the earth is 6000 years old and that none of this stuff has happened before, and thus could signal natural disasters of apocalyptic proportions--then you are just what I call an idiot and another abortion produced by our ridiculous education system ON THIS PLANET (let alone in SA).
Unless you believe that Niburu will fly by later this year and flip earth off-axis, the earth is, however, not due for any physical pole shift. That is to say that we need to draw earths map upside down for future generations, as the Arctic became Antarctica. If this were to happen (as these new-age doomsday prophets claim will happen in 2012), then pretty much all life on earth bigger than microbes will be killed. So, you can put down that book that tells you to meet the other wackos at the top of Kilimanjaro on 20 Dec 2012 to avoid perishing with the rest of the human race.
And if we had even a mild PHYSICAL pole shift on earth of just a few degrees over a short period of time, then you would not want to survive in what will be left of our civilization. Tsunamis will destroy almost everything and you won't even be able to find food in the aftermath.
I call the physical pole shift and the fatal magnetic pole shift NONESENSE and DEBUNKED!
Number 5: Alien invasion
Well, if the sun doesn’t explode, and Niburu doesn’t wake u[ from its nap behind the sun, and the earth does not go yo-yo on us, then at least we can count on our comrades from outer space to come and annihilate us!
Yes comrades, ET is pissed off at how Stephen Spielberg depicted him and he's back 21 Dec 2012 with an ion-cannon big enough to blow earth’s crust off its mantle, and that is EXACTLY what you can expect!
Since I'm in close contact and even friends with a number of alien races, I will call this one NONSENSE and DEBUNKED without further explanation! ;) (it's a POE!)
Number 6: Asteroid Impact
Deep impact is just a movie; on 21 Dec 2012 we will have the live, theatrical version playing off all over the planet! While the threat of a doomsday asteroid is an ever-present danger to our existence and all life on earth, all the asteroids we know of and are tracking are not scheduled to crash into us anytime soon. There is always the likelihood that one we aren't aware of will blaze past our means of detection and cause the next major earth extinction, but that is something we have to fear every day, not just on 21 Dec 2012.
I deem this one REALISTIC and PROBABLE! This is the one to take seriously folks (but every waking second you live)
Number 7, 8, 9, 10...
If we somehow make it past the big 6, then we have numerous terrestrial cataclysms that will try to snuff out the human race. We have the NWO making their grand appearance on 21 Dec 2012, or a series of 9.0 earthquakes decimating every major city on earth, or even a mass psychological breakdown that will turn neighbour against neighbour in an apocalyptic zombie thriller that will put an end to the genre and the human race.
I call all these NONSENSE and DEBUNKED!
Don't all these predictions (which are all so different from one another) seem a little desperate? It looks like someone is grasping at straws and just wanted to write another book on the subject. But competition is fierce so new ‘scenarios’ are invented by writers and marketers to draw their own little following (and funding).
2012 is nonsense... the Mayans never predicted anything, it was simply the end of the last calendar they bothered carving. Of course, the experts just had to 'analyze' every fucking mural in the chamber where the last calendar was found and extract meaning and message where none was embedded. Can't a 10-thousand year old civilization just draw some art in PEACE, without some new-ager trying to extrapolate prophecies and warnings from every little stroke or shade variation?
If you think a primitive civilization from thousands of years ago stopping their calendar carving on the solstice of the year 2012 is indicative of the end of the world, then why weren't you paralyzed with fear in the last decade, as our (by comparison) super-advanced civilization never printed calendars more than 1 year into the future? You don’t believe me? Go into CNA and see if you can find a 2014 calendar for sale! If you can't, it must mean our modern society has deemed 2013 to be earths or mankind’s last year of existence! That’s right oh 2012 believer, go stand in the corner!
What will come after 2012? Many more such predictions, each foretold by ancient scripture / civilizations and deducible only about a decade before the actual events will unfold (a nice period in which to sell millions of books and DVDs). The next big one is somewhere in 2028 with the arrival of ‘Nemesis,’ the massive rogue dwarf star that is headed STRAIGHT FOR EARTH (always us) with billions of tons of space debris trapped in its gravitational pull! It will wipe out our entire solar system! See, they are already planning doomsday prophecies for when humankind colonizes other planets in the solar system. Ingenious!
Who knows, maybe I'll concoct my own end-time prophecy or conspiracy theory one of these days. There is, after all, a massive market for this stuff and I want in on it. Next to religion (which is already written for the entrepreneur) a conspiracy is something you can just think up over a weekend, write over a month, and then sell to the gullible fools who really show that a fool and his/her money are soon parted.
I've given this topic a light-hearted and satirical tone, but what I said is actually very serious. No doubt, there will be many confused people who may commit suicide (just like the 21 May 2011 end of the world prophecies made by Harold Camping), and this is where this nonsense—good for the economy as it may be—just upsets me. I have the lucidity of mind and the benefit of a stringent scientific education (self-imposed, I may add) to see this nonsense for what it is, but many are not as privileged and will suffer both emotional and physical distress.
To finish, I'll give this little disclaimer:
Anyone who reads this and knows about cosmology, the Mayan calendar, science, physics, and conspiracy theories may accuse me of not doing this topic justice. Judging by the short attention span of News24 readers, I opted to debunk this whole thing in fewer than 3000 words, but if you want to write a book about each prophecy, the Mayan civilization, and human psychology pertaining to gullibility, then be my guest. Get cracking, and don’t complain about how I chose to debunk this.