PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Charles Dumbwin
 
Comments: 61
Article views: 0
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Charles Dumbwin's badges.
 

The problem with Joburg

02 August 2012, 08:43

Fair enough, we don’t have the ocean with crashing waves, sun-kissed beaches and ‘whales’ splashing about topless before beaching in Clifton, disturbing the general peace.  But what Joburgers have, is what everyone else wants.

Waves?  Sure we got waves.  Just head on through Gilloolys, (don’t forget your passports), and take the N12 straight to the East-Ront-Mall.  It’s Boksburg by the sea, baby!  And if it’s H2O time, you’re in luck.  If you can find parking, you’re even luckier.

What about candles, soaps and steaks, you ask?  Well, William Nicole off ramp takes care of these necessities, as well as the latest Box-Office movie releases, Hugo Boss colognes and all things Chinese.  Yep, you heard right, the only off ramp in the world where you can buy original Dolce & Gabbana products, made in China.

We don’t, unfortunately, have South Easters that blow unsuspecting tourists stark naked, but our freezing, concrete-city winters, should make up for any unpleasant weather expectations.

Tourists...  Ah yes, bloody tourists.  For some reason, an abundance of Sharks and Western Province supporters seem to have migrated from their coastal slums, up to our wonderful city.  The fact that Gauteng supports the rest of South Africa financially is not lost on these immigrants who have made their own Groot Trek up north to earn a decent wage.

That part we can handle, it’s the establishing of their infectious supporters’ clubs that irritate the shizer out of us.

And speaking of Great Treks, those Amish-like pilgrims who decided to cut their Hollander apron strings and fend for themselves, made the arduous journey up to the Highveld and while doing so, populated these plains with an abundance of offspring. 

In those days however, the conservatives knew their wives twelve times during their marriage and produced a dozen children for their efforts.  These days however, you’d swear Joburgers engaged in such activities just for the fun of it.

We don’t need annoying whale sounds keeping us up at night; we have gunshots, house alarms and barking dogs, as well as the occasional ‘doof-doof’ beats from speeding cars filled with drunken teenagers racing through our suburbs at two in the morning.

On the rugby stadium front, there’s no defending the Lions’ franchise, who at best, manage a cool twenty-thousand stadium attendees per annum, but the Bulls’ turnouts will give the Province faithful a run for their money on any given day, I feel.

If Cape Town is Africa’s Paris (I was thinking San Francisco - but okay), then Joburg is Africa’s New York.  We have the money, the power, the influence, and we pretty much dictate corporate business affairs across Africa.

Let’s remember that the only reason why coastal cities remain open for business, is because of all the Vaalies who make the nostalgic pilgrimage back to their former colonies each year.  We see it as our gift to the nation. 

Our hard-earned cash pays for your ocean views.  While y’all are sipping pinacoladas on the beach, us hard-working Joburgers keep our economy ticking.

So what’s the problem with Joburg?  Not too much, if you can hack it.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
61 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Lew Skannen
Expect a Bumpy Ride!

Now that Nersa has officially declined Eskom's request for a tariff increase, South Africans should prepare themselves for a bumpy road. Read more...

5 comments 370 views
Submitted by
StillProudlySA
Autopilot Disengaged

Unable to adequately gauge the controls, Zuma is incapable of pulling this aircraft out of imminent catastrophe; and he has filled his cockpit with irrelevant bystanders who are only there to drool over the cash-money view. Read more...

5 comments 347 views
Submitted by
Vulcan
IF and Zetetic Cosmogony

Many people today blindly believe the doctrine of the round earth and the theory of gravity, a evil conspiracy propagated by the men of science, like NASA and the church of science – universities.  Read more...

64 comments 836 views
Submitted by
Dan Rheeder
Open your spiritual eyes

Elisha and his servant were surrounded by thousands of Syrian troops. Then Elisha makes this amazing statement. Read more...

44 comments 395 views
Submitted by
cvh23
4 Ways In Which Government Is Des...

Farmers and mine owners around the country cringe every time they hear someone like Gwede Mantashe or Julius Malema speak. Read more...

6 comments 703 views
Submitted by
SkerP
Dear Minister Nhleko...

At the end of May, you sat down in Parliament, and provided a briefing to journalists, regarding your report into the president's rural homestead. Read more...

11 comments 869 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.