Just recently I read an article on here about homosexuality written by an author that should rather focus on other issues and leave sexuality to people that have more knowledge about the subject.
My fear is that many other gay guys that had to walk down this road would read those articles and believe they have done wrong by being gay. Having to live in a straight world is difficult enough and we shouldn’t endure the added ridicule of uninformed people.
In his articles he either blames a belief system like atheism or stating that being gay is a lifestyle choice we make. What I am about to put down on paper here is more or less the story of every gay person out there and this will underline why we explore religion and come to certain conclusions.
May of us are raised in religious homes. If it is Christianity, then from an early age we are taught about the ills of homosexuality. The result is that one grows up believing you are something dirty. Your sexuality becomes your biggest challenge. You end up wasting so much time trying to find a cure for something you are unable to cure.
My own journey started at the beginning of high school when I realised that I’m attracted to boys. I played rugby amongst other sports simply to be with boys. I so desperately wanted to be like other boys.
And so this painful journey would start of a fantasy in my head that someday I would cure myself of this “dreaded” disease. I believed the harder I play rugby, the better my chances would be to make myself straight.
I would end up spending the last 12 years believing I could cure myself.
Then a few days ago I read the homosexual article on here. I am not sure if the person writing these homosexual articles is a real person and if these articles are written purely to provoke gay people and humiliate them. For the purposes of this article I’m going to assume the man is serious.
Having walked a torturous road to end up at a place in life where I would do anything to change my world, I need to tell all the straight people on here that realising one can do nothing about your sexual orientation is a pretty helpless place to get to in life.
Forget about what is written on here about making lifestyle choices or that atheism breeds homosexuality. If I could choose a lifestyle today it wouldn’t be homosexuality. I would give anything to be able to fall in love with a girl and marry. I would give anything to have kids and raise them in a “normal” environment.
I had to look at myself in a mirror and see myself for what I am and had to start making peace with my orientation. It would be a gross injustice to any women to make her believe I’m straight purely for the purposes of having a family and playing straight.
Many of my nights are spent going to bed wondering how different my life would have been if only I could have been straight. Based on that reality and my secret dreams, I hope you the reader will understand that my homosexuality isn’t a lifestyle choice I’m making.
Gay life is a lonely path. There is no substance in gay relationships. There is hardly any depth to be found and you will only be accepted as long as you have the physical assets to please this very shallow community.
The reality of my homosexuality is a life long yearning to have been a man that could give a woman everything a man should and be a father to children.
But I will never be and it certainly wasn’t a lifestyle I chose out of my own free will.
I hope when next, you the reader, reads the next gay bashing article from this specific author, you will remember what I told you today and understand the complexity and sometimes agony of being gay.
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