When a seed falls into fertile ground, it dies. From it’s DNA a plant sprouts up, eventually carrying many seeds of the same type. But the original seed had to die before it bore fruit. This truth is also illustrated in our lives.
There are many reasons and many people who can spend hours telling anyone who will listen about their bad marriage. Not the marriage so much but the awful partner in that marriage and why they are considering a divorce, or making discreet enquiries about the available local hit men and how much they cost. Even just before they get married, in love and happy beyond belief, there are the prenuptial contracts, testing his or her capability in bed or anywhere else for that matter. Does she like bondage? Is he into S&M? What about swinging? Does he have the girth and she the gap? (After a successful paternity suit, an inebriated friend stated that he failed the countless warnings he heard every day for ten years on the subway: mind the gap).
In spite of it all, there comes a day when it all falls apart because there was no trial run for what a marriage is really going to be like. The day the children arrive and demand that you cease to exist so that they can get the best of everything. All you wide-eyed brides and grooms, know this law of all marriages. The day you have children, they live. You die. Everything that you loved to spend hours with becomes an unnecessary accessory to their existence. You are challenged by your children to have a much higher standard of living than any other kid in their school. Because she drove a six-year-old Mazda, a friend of mine had to drop her kids off no nearer than two blocks away from the school. And the sad part about this stage of marriage when many a matrimony starts to come apart is that the young brides and grooms forgot to draw up any agreement of who was going to do what and how many times when the kids arrive. There was no prenuptial on staying awake all night with a screaming infant in your arms, attending extramural activities, applying discipline and at what level. On top of that, the grandparents arrive on the scene. Things get a lot worse when they emerge. You have to try this, apply that, encourage by reward and the worst one, by example. No newly weds are prepared for this. And that is the day when the walls of the secure Jericho show the first cracks. In all this chaos, there must be someone responsible for this mess. Since there are only two of you, it is obvious who the scoundrel is.
Then things turn for the worst. The in laws get more involved because they have the experience and they must help poor so-and-so. They play judge, jury and executioner. The friends add their advice and judgment. Alcohol consumption starts to increase quickly and sex becomes a weapon. It is only then when you sit on the edge of your bed, wondering what went wrong and when will it get better, that the awful truth hits you. The sentence is as long until death will you part. Not your matrimonial partner! Your kids! You can get rid of him/her. You can't put them back in the gap.
Endless demands, door-slamming arguments, silent breakfasts if there is still one, very dirty looks. Mother's ears are programmed to disregard:” You must..." and "Leave me the f*** alone!" "So what! You also smoked pot!" And the worst of it all is that you seem to have been isolated, away from the sperm donor who also slams doors, and flings some choice phrases at your whining cacophony.
I believe couples married under the Islamic faith have far more simple married lives. This is because all the functions about the arrival of a family have been ordained through countless centuries. The man does that. The wife does those. Finish en klaar. Sharia makes it even more clear. The wife does it all and never complains.
So in the highly civilized society where matrimonial dispute was foisted upon us by overseas liberals, how can any marriage survive? Firstly, there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you are prepared to wait that long before shooting the bastard or the bitch. When the question of abortion was debated in the United States, the White house commissioned a Rabbi, a minister from the Presbyterian church and a Catholic priest to come out with a statement on the exact time, life begins. After a few months of prayer, deliberation and discussion, they reported back to the White House:
"Life begins immediately after conception, ruled the Priest.
"Life begins after the foetus is eight weeks old," ruled the Presbyterian.
"You all talk nonsense." said the Rabbi. "Life begins when the dog dies and the last kid leaves the house!"
So now our couple split up and decide that there are other more reasonable and adaptable partners in life. They get divorced, split the goods, pay almost everything they had to advocates and lawyers and go through the trial steps of getting married. Does she like bondage? Is he into S&M? What about swinging and the girth and the gap? The added refinements are there. Cosmetic surgery. Gym. Airtight prenuptial contracts. And they blissfully attend to those formalities in great detail. It goes well for only a few months. Then the crap starts because they fell into an even worse trap than before. It's called, yours, mine and ours. If they thought the first marriage was a mess, wait until the pressure really builds up in this situation.
Most of the aggravation could have been avoided for our couples above if the did some homework on raising children, the sacrifices, the countless hours of sitting in cars looking for kids that arrive hours later, how to discipline, not only the child but yourself and your marriage partner. Going into this blindly is like starting a business with your last money without having any idea what your products will be like and to whom you need to sell them.
Above all. Don't be disappointed. After sacrificing your life for them, dying so that they can live, transforming your super sexy body into a lump of lard with stringy hair and varicose veins all over,they grow up, take up their own lives, leave you poor, sick and in debt over your ears in study loans. You will only hear from them when they want to ask you why you didn't do more for them. By the way, how much money can you give me now?
Was it worth it all? Off course it was. But it could have been handled a lot more smoothly with a bit more advance planning. Why isn't there a prenuptial contract with all the 'Having children FAQ's' neatly answered and documented forever?
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