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sillypoint
 
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The world has ended

09 December 2012, 22:06

I have always been cynical about the Mayan end of the world thing.  After all, if the Mayan’s were so damn clever, why didn’t they manage to stick around a bit longer?  Is a far simpler explanation for the end of the Mayan calendar not simply that they ran out of paper (or papyrus or stone or whatever they wrote their calendar down on)? 

However, there is no denying that the world has gone a bit wobbly in the head lately.  Let me explain.

It’s not OK for a banker or business executive to earn a bonus.  However, no one seems to mind reality tarts and Hollywood stars earning many millions, even though their only contribution to world productivity is of the reproductive kind.

The Greeks, the Italians and the Spaniards have racked up so much debt that the earth has to hang around our universe for another 46 billion years so that they can have enough time to repay it.  Unless there is a sudden bubble in the olive oil market, a surge in the demand for pasta, and unless every Chinese citizen buys a FC Barcelona T-shirt, everyone will just have to continue to rely on uncle Gunter in Munich to keep making more, and more importantly, selling more, BMWs. 

Yet, the foremost thing on Europe’s mind is not how to get themselves out of their financial predicament but rather on saying bad things about their hard working uncle Gunter.

Israel and the Palestinians seem no closer to amicably resolving their squabble than the chances of the Beatles reuniting. This is nothing new (the feud goes back nearly the entire 46 billion years of the earth’s history).  What makes the world a bit wobbly in the head is that there seems to be a genuine belief amongst at least some of the world’s leaders (with the notable exception of Uncle Gunter’s leader) that the little spat can be settled over a cup of tea.

Too many people own Justin Bieber CDs.  It is the day that music died.

The Australians appoint Mickey Arthur as their cricket coach and then promptly forget how to play cricket.  This is a bigger threat to the world’s equilibrium than global warming, nuclear fallout and super storms leaving four million Americans with useless iPhones for a week. 

World wars have started over lesser problems.  It is not comforting to think that continued world peace may very well depend on Mickey Arthur’s ability to conjure up a test victory.

Our president is building a bunker.  Does he know something that we should?

Not only is Madonna still making music, she is still flashing her boobs at us.  Has granny porn suddenly gone mainstream?

We think that vampires are romantic, misunderstood souls.  Have we forgotten that there is a reason why our forefathers skewered and burned them? 

We believe that organic food is the Holy Grail.  There is a reason why we invented pesticides.  Have we forgotten what Salmonella does to the human body?  I’ll steer clear of the free range eggs just to be on the safe side. 

Luxury cruises are available on the Amazon river. Piranhas no longer scare us sh*tless.  The less adventurous can skip the cruise and just visit it online.  You can get Piranhas delivered to your front door without having to pay for delivery.

Church going, shop only at Woolworths, middle class, SUV driving mommies are buying handcuffs and dildos.  It’s not a sexual revolution, its 50 shades of dodgy.  A rabbit is an acceptable bachelorette party gift.  At least they require no carrots to keep going.

We know what WTF and OMG means.  LOL.

Jesus has slipped to number three in the world popularity rankings, behind John Lennon (or is that the Beatles?) and Harry Potter.

Going commando has nothing to do with wearing camouflage, carrying a big gun, basic training, Angola, Vietnam or the Middle East, though there is as big a chance of being on the receiving end of a shot or two.

Kate Middleton is hospitalised for having morning sickness.  Instead of being outraged, millions of mommies are going “ooh” and “ah”.  Bookies are giving odds on the third in line to the British throne being named “Raffa”.  We spent a weekend watching the Queen float excruciatingly slowly down a river, in the rain. 

It received more continuous television coverage in the space of one weekend than the entire war in Afghanistan has received over the last ten years.

Julius Malema laments the fact that our president cannot read.

Online newspapers give us the ins and outs of anal sex, how to have a threesome and advice on how to avoid your sordid affair with your secretary / pool boy being discovered.  Yet we crucify Joost for frolicking with a stripper in nothing but his socks.

Ten years ago, it was mandatory for whites to have a black friend.  Now it is mandatory to have a black friend that is gay or lesbian or, preferably, both. 

Neon and shoulder pads are in again.  Can the world survive a second coming of the eighties?

Far too many people take Silly Point’s silly points seriously.  I know I am an idiot – my only friend tells me that every day.  I know I can’t spell and my grammar is appalling.  My high school English teacher ran screaming into a brick wall because I couldn’t tell my Isis from my arse.  I still get confused about that.  Think carefully before you comment on this post.  Remember that silly point is always on your side too.

Whether or not all of this spells the end of the world is debatable.  Let’s settle then for this being the end of the world as we know it (but unlike REM, I reserve judgment on whether or not I I feel fine about it).

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