PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Tyronehster
 
Comments: 3
Article views: 380
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Tyronehster's badges.
 

Thoughts and Things

26 May 2014, 19:30

I think it quite remarkable that Indians (not whoo whoo whoo whoo Indians with bows and arrows and warpaint, but Indians from India) were first brought out to South Africa as slave labourers in the sugar cane fields. Indians? Slaves I can understand, but labourers?

What’s the bet that within six weeks one of them had a shop selling bunny chows to first the labourers (if that they could be called) and then the white overseers and finally the plantation owners.

‘I say, Singh, what the devil is goin’ on here? Harrumph!’

‘What kind! Sahib, I make good bunny chow an’ all: taste it, sir, it’s a mild one, just for you.’

Sir Blakeley-Smythwhyte harrumphs, then expostulates ‘Mild?! Damn your eyes for insolence man! I’m an Englishman, I don’t eat mild food. Give me the same as you’re givin’ those lazy blighters!’

After Sir Blakeley-Smythwhyte is revived, with a circle of dark brown faces looking anxiously down at him, he harrumphs rather a little more softly, then says, ‘Damn good stuff, that man! What do you call it?’

‘Bunny chow, sahib!’

‘Harrumph, well I’ll be on my way then,’ and makes his way back to the big house like a bongo player in a South American marching band. And the closer he gets, the faster he waddles, till he disappears out of sight.

Slaves? I think not!

And there was, of course, Adam Kok, the first slave freed in the Cape Colony and given four hundred Pounds into the bargain, which was a princely sum back then. So as not to further incense the sensibilities of one Du Toit Grobler, I am going to give a sanitised version on his reporting of the news to his once-fellow slaves.

‘I say, chaps, you’ll never believe what happened!’

They all look up at him expectantly. ‘My master just gave me my freedom and four hundred Pounds!’

‘He did?!’ says one in disbelief. ‘Why, the dirty blighter! His mother’s thing!’

‘I say, that’s not way to talk about our good master,’ objects Adam Kok.

‘Really? Well, your mother’s maid’s madam’s womb, that’s what I say, and you should make haste and crawl back in there!’

‘Well, I never! ’ says Adam Kok in disgust. ‘Your mother’s thing smells like old fish, so there!’

‘I say, I’ll slap you that the mucous bubbles out of your nose like a trouser cough!’

‘Fornicate off!’ says Adam Kok and stalks off to build his own house, swearing he’s never going to share his good fortune with one of those ungrateful slaves.

And so on and so forth, and all of it clean. I trust Du Toit Grobler approves of this: I’d hate for him to have to make little toy oxen out of the issue of his eating a box of Brooklax.

Now, continuing in this vein, many people ask me where I hail from, due to my accent (I didn’t know I had one!)and are surprised when I tell them I hail from the fair city of Cape Town. As a result I included it in my show, in the following way:

‘In case you’re wondering about my accent, it is, in fact…educated. Yes, yes, no need for applause, I just paid attention in class. I tried that once in Standerton and it went down quite well…but then one of them got it…and passed it around…things got quite ugly for a while. It didn’t affect me, of course, I was back in Joburg by that time.’

‘I was told they trashed the place! Bit hard to tell really…rubble is rubble. I imagine they moved it round a bit…sort of low-class Feng Shui.’

As you can imagine, I got less work than I would have liked, but I did get this one job that interested me. There was a wrestling extravaganza at the Rand Show and they asked me if I would be MC and, when I looked at their offer, I agreed.

I was booked into the President Hotel and, being from Cape Town, had no idea how it had deteriorated in the years since I had last seen it. I can tell you this, though: it was sixties bling and then some! I’ve never seen so many mirrors in my life! And then an idea struck me!

I had this pimple on my bottom, right between my cheeks and it hurt like hell when I walked and, with all these mirrors, I finally had the chance to squeeze it. So I dropped my trousers and bent over and guess what - you guessed. The one reflection got in the way of the other and I turned this way and that and finally saw it.

I put my fingers on it and began to squeeze when the lift doors opened. I don’t know who was more embarrassed; them or me, but I hurriedly dressed myself and went off to find my room.

Next day it was off to the Rand Show, which I discovered had moved to Nasrec. I was under the impression it was still at Milpark! Still, there I was, within spitting distance of Soweto, with a dressing room, if you can call it that, made of plywood.

There were actually three dressing rooms together, with plywood walls separating them. Very sophisticated. I also discovered Patricia Lewis was in the dressing room next to mine. What else I discovered was a fist-sized hole in the wall and I looked at it long and hard, then thought: ‘You’re a respectable married man, you should cover that.’

But then I thought, if she wants to look, let her! There are so few pleasures left in life.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
3 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Terrylin Backpackers
Rain, Old Furniture, Fat People a...

The Broadway Hotel in Blackpool fined a couple for posting a terrible TripAdvisor review, their reasons being a 'damage control price' on its online reputation. As I had no idea what they were on about, I looked them up and clearly Gordon Ramsay needs to check-in asap. Read more...

1 comments 43 views
Submitted by
Johan Coetzer581
Human Rights another perspective

Whilst sitting in the darkness of yet another Escom induced blackout my mind wandered. Read more...

3 comments 205 views
Submitted by
CharlieC
The Climate of Anarchy

I have asked the libertarians and anarchist to write an article explaining their systems and why the think it would be a better system for us to live under. Read more...

20 comments 378 views
Submitted by
Siebert Mazus
References for claims?

This question refers to a comment made by Toby Strong, an evangelical Christian, in the article 'The Good News for the world' appearing on news24.com/MyNews2. Read more...

76 comments 490 views
Submitted by
Chris Khanye
The South Africa Parliament has l...

Today, South Africa Parliament cannot conscientiously claim to be a representative of the ‘People’. Read more...

6 comments 441 views
Submitted by
John Myburg
Numsa exposed

We, concerned members within NUMSA, chose to expose role-players involved in an underground plot to destabilise South Africa.  Read more...

11 comments 713 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

20% off ALL TV Series

Choose from 1000’s of the hottest TV Series . While stocks last. Shop now!

Festive gifts!

Check out our awesome range of festive gifts to make everyone’s wishes come true. Shop now!

Seen something you like in our catalogue?

Find the perfect gift and save up to R5000 – As seen on the catalogue. Hurry and shop now!

Save up to R2200 on electronics! – As seen in the catalogue

Wishing for tech gadgets this festive? Save up to R2100 on hot tech products at kalahari.com. While stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 35% off books

Save up to 35% on the latest page-turners. While stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.