PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
MarkH
 
Comments: 8
Article views: 587
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all MarkH's badges.
 

To infinity and beyond

07 November 2012, 22:14

The Casually Amalgamated National Convention of Extra-terrestrial Refugees – or CANCER for short – take pleasure in advising that their mother ship has arrived and loading is shortly to be conducted.

The destination of said ship is at this stage unknown but according to Little Mac, spokesman for the Big Cheese, government experts are already hard at work identifying a suitable planet, though this may take some time. There seems to have been some mix-up with the charts as some places have been renamed and as such don’t appear on charts inherited from the ancestors. Eish.

All members who did not receive their notifications, and boarding passes, by post are to report to Nkandla by midday, or midnight depending on taxi availability, of the 32nd November for identification, verification and the handing out of food hampers and T-shirts. Hampers will be chicken or beef, maybe vegetarian if a supplier can be found. T-shirts will be red to indicate solidarity with Mars.

For those members who don’t by now know exactly where Nkandla is, please consult Google Earth, or that fascist, war-mongering leader of the Demonic Alternative who attempted to launch an unwarranted attack on the place on Sunday, 4th November. The attack was repulsed with heavy losses incurred by the enemy, thanks to the bravery of the EFF – Economic Freedom Fighters – but as the attack seriously demonstrated the under-preparedness of our defences we’ve decided to leave anyway. Besides, many of the wives and children were so traumatised by the attack that the place is now deemed unsuitable for habitation unless multi-billion Rand renovations are undertaken.

In view of the fact that the destination (of the mother ship) is at this stage still unknown members are advised to bring with them toothbrushes, toothpaste – if felt necessary – and a change of clothing. No money will be necessary as those stupid taxpayers have already paid for the trip, another triumph for your beloved struggle heroes of the CANCER – viva, viva.

Members are also to take note of the fact that, as in the 2nd coming, there is ONLY one mother ship and late arrivals will not be accommodated nor flown out on alternative flights, this because there are no alternative flights, or ships. Or crew in fact. Be there or be nowhere, in other words.

Lift-off is planned for some time in December, this dependent on the results of the Mangaung congress which may have an impact on who the Big Cheese is come lift-off time. Members are please to refrain from speculating about these results after arrival at the loading site as we already have enough confusion with so many wives, children and relatives all clamouring for 1st class berthing. Tickets will be issued on a first-come, first-served basis except for those arriving with blue lights. The illegal use of blue lights will be frowned upon, unless it can be proved that said blue lights were obtained legally, or by relatives in the service of government. This will only be lightly frowned upon, as in having your wrist slapped.

Members are further advised that they are to drive, fly and if necessary walk, or pedal, safely as the Christmas rush will be on at this time and the last thing we need is people arriving with shopping, presents or dressed in outlandish gear, or carrying sheep, goats, oxen or other sacrificial items.

This is not a shopping trip, it is our quest to make the universe a safer, and better place, using the technology and knowledge obtained from those stupid aliens the Boers over the past 18 years. Be there!

This has been an official communication authorised by the Minister of Space Exploration, the Honourable Blunt T Blade. Viva, viva.

Yours in desperation,
 
(Major-General) Johnson T Zooma, acting commander of the SAS Amandla, King of Kings and Father of the Nation.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
8 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Merry Martin
Theists, please stop explaining!

SilverBack wrote a series of rebuttal articles recently, and one of the issues he raised was the scene where God instructs Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, only to rescind that instruction at the last minute.  Read more...

126 comments 1132 views
Submitted by
MyNews24 delay

We have been receiving your photos and stories but at the moment we're experiencing technical difficulties and are unable to publish them. But there is a way to get heard. Read more.  Read more...

0 comments 227 views
Submitted by
Luthando Taitai
Let's appreciate them while they ...

There is a tendency of only showing appreciation of someone when they are gone, how many people go to bed everyday deprived this important token. Read more...

1 comments 464 views
Submitted by
Joe Johnson789
Celebrity deaths bring violent cr...

The eyes of the world were on South Africa for about ten months the trial of Oscar Pistorius lasted. It was reported as one of the most watched media events in recent history. Read more...

10 comments 898 views
Submitted by
Manny Obi-Wan Meyer
The pleasure of finding things ou...

I have often wondered how the events of my past have structured my life in the present, my various skills and propensities, my way of reflecting upon the world at large. Read more...

12 comments 672 views
Submitted by
capetowndoll
God is tangible

I am writing this to let every atheist know what happened to me when I was deeply concerned about my mother. Read more...

399 comments 4634 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

It's Flash Sale Friday – one day only!

Buy 3 & get the cheapest 1 FREE: On selected DVDs, Blu-rays, series and music. While stocks last. Shop now!

Save up to R2100 on electronics! – As seen in the catalogue

Wishing for tech gadgets this festive? Save up to R2100 on hot tech products at kalahari.com. While stocks last. Shop now!

TV Series – 2 for R299

Loads of hot titles to choose from. Shop now!

Hot offer: Up to 50% off irons

Save up to 50% on all Philips irons. While stocks last. Shop now!

Seen something you like in our catalogue?

Find the perfect gift and save up to R5000 – As seen on the catalogue. Hurry and shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.