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MarkH
 
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To infinity and beyond

07 November 2012, 22:14

The Casually Amalgamated National Convention of Extra-terrestrial Refugees – or CANCER for short – take pleasure in advising that their mother ship has arrived and loading is shortly to be conducted.

The destination of said ship is at this stage unknown but according to Little Mac, spokesman for the Big Cheese, government experts are already hard at work identifying a suitable planet, though this may take some time. There seems to have been some mix-up with the charts as some places have been renamed and as such don’t appear on charts inherited from the ancestors. Eish.

All members who did not receive their notifications, and boarding passes, by post are to report to Nkandla by midday, or midnight depending on taxi availability, of the 32nd November for identification, verification and the handing out of food hampers and T-shirts. Hampers will be chicken or beef, maybe vegetarian if a supplier can be found. T-shirts will be red to indicate solidarity with Mars.

For those members who don’t by now know exactly where Nkandla is, please consult Google Earth, or that fascist, war-mongering leader of the Demonic Alternative who attempted to launch an unwarranted attack on the place on Sunday, 4th November. The attack was repulsed with heavy losses incurred by the enemy, thanks to the bravery of the EFF – Economic Freedom Fighters – but as the attack seriously demonstrated the under-preparedness of our defences we’ve decided to leave anyway. Besides, many of the wives and children were so traumatised by the attack that the place is now deemed unsuitable for habitation unless multi-billion Rand renovations are undertaken.

In view of the fact that the destination (of the mother ship) is at this stage still unknown members are advised to bring with them toothbrushes, toothpaste – if felt necessary – and a change of clothing. No money will be necessary as those stupid taxpayers have already paid for the trip, another triumph for your beloved struggle heroes of the CANCER – viva, viva.

Members are also to take note of the fact that, as in the 2nd coming, there is ONLY one mother ship and late arrivals will not be accommodated nor flown out on alternative flights, this because there are no alternative flights, or ships. Or crew in fact. Be there or be nowhere, in other words.

Lift-off is planned for some time in December, this dependent on the results of the Mangaung congress which may have an impact on who the Big Cheese is come lift-off time. Members are please to refrain from speculating about these results after arrival at the loading site as we already have enough confusion with so many wives, children and relatives all clamouring for 1st class berthing. Tickets will be issued on a first-come, first-served basis except for those arriving with blue lights. The illegal use of blue lights will be frowned upon, unless it can be proved that said blue lights were obtained legally, or by relatives in the service of government. This will only be lightly frowned upon, as in having your wrist slapped.

Members are further advised that they are to drive, fly and if necessary walk, or pedal, safely as the Christmas rush will be on at this time and the last thing we need is people arriving with shopping, presents or dressed in outlandish gear, or carrying sheep, goats, oxen or other sacrificial items.

This is not a shopping trip, it is our quest to make the universe a safer, and better place, using the technology and knowledge obtained from those stupid aliens the Boers over the past 18 years. Be there!

This has been an official communication authorised by the Minister of Space Exploration, the Honourable Blunt T Blade. Viva, viva.

Yours in desperation,
 
(Major-General) Johnson T Zooma, acting commander of the SAS Amandla, King of Kings and Father of the Nation.
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