PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
MarkH
 
Comments: 6
Article views: 611
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all MarkH's badges.
 

To infinity and beyond

07 November 2012, 22:14

The Casually Amalgamated National Convention of Extra-terrestrial Refugees – or CANCER for short – take pleasure in advising that their mother ship has arrived and loading is shortly to be conducted.

The destination of said ship is at this stage unknown but according to Little Mac, spokesman for the Big Cheese, government experts are already hard at work identifying a suitable planet, though this may take some time. There seems to have been some mix-up with the charts as some places have been renamed and as such don’t appear on charts inherited from the ancestors. Eish.

All members who did not receive their notifications, and boarding passes, by post are to report to Nkandla by midday, or midnight depending on taxi availability, of the 32nd November for identification, verification and the handing out of food hampers and T-shirts. Hampers will be chicken or beef, maybe vegetarian if a supplier can be found. T-shirts will be red to indicate solidarity with Mars.

For those members who don’t by now know exactly where Nkandla is, please consult Google Earth, or that fascist, war-mongering leader of the Demonic Alternative who attempted to launch an unwarranted attack on the place on Sunday, 4th November. The attack was repulsed with heavy losses incurred by the enemy, thanks to the bravery of the EFF – Economic Freedom Fighters – but as the attack seriously demonstrated the under-preparedness of our defences we’ve decided to leave anyway. Besides, many of the wives and children were so traumatised by the attack that the place is now deemed unsuitable for habitation unless multi-billion Rand renovations are undertaken.

In view of the fact that the destination (of the mother ship) is at this stage still unknown members are advised to bring with them toothbrushes, toothpaste – if felt necessary – and a change of clothing. No money will be necessary as those stupid taxpayers have already paid for the trip, another triumph for your beloved struggle heroes of the CANCER – viva, viva.

Members are also to take note of the fact that, as in the 2nd coming, there is ONLY one mother ship and late arrivals will not be accommodated nor flown out on alternative flights, this because there are no alternative flights, or ships. Or crew in fact. Be there or be nowhere, in other words.

Lift-off is planned for some time in December, this dependent on the results of the Mangaung congress which may have an impact on who the Big Cheese is come lift-off time. Members are please to refrain from speculating about these results after arrival at the loading site as we already have enough confusion with so many wives, children and relatives all clamouring for 1st class berthing. Tickets will be issued on a first-come, first-served basis except for those arriving with blue lights. The illegal use of blue lights will be frowned upon, unless it can be proved that said blue lights were obtained legally, or by relatives in the service of government. This will only be lightly frowned upon, as in having your wrist slapped.

Members are further advised that they are to drive, fly and if necessary walk, or pedal, safely as the Christmas rush will be on at this time and the last thing we need is people arriving with shopping, presents or dressed in outlandish gear, or carrying sheep, goats, oxen or other sacrificial items.

This is not a shopping trip, it is our quest to make the universe a safer, and better place, using the technology and knowledge obtained from those stupid aliens the Boers over the past 18 years. Be there!

This has been an official communication authorised by the Minister of Space Exploration, the Honourable Blunt T Blade. Viva, viva.

Yours in desperation,
 
(Major-General) Johnson T Zooma, acting commander of the SAS Amandla, King of Kings and Father of the Nation.
Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
6 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
ohomen171
Memories OF Rats On Okinawa 44 Ye...

Last night Elena made a list of all of the countries that she had visited around the world. Her list came to 22-23 countries. Read more...

5 comments 590 views
Submitted by
Edward Strick
Farewell South Africa

Leaving South Africa is extremely hard no matter how excited you are about your new ventures, the exit stamp at immigration is your first “final boarding call”.  Read more...

14 comments 3169 views
Submitted by
Nelson Kgwete
Public servants are already force...

Axed EFF MP Andile Mngxitama is attempting to revive his political career through a new movement called Land First Black First and is threatening to stage a revolution that would see, amongst other things, public representatives and government officials being compelled to use government facilities, including schools and hospitals.  Read more...

2 comments 415 views
Submitted by
Gail Shorkend
Gautrain

I have been catching the Gautrain for 2 years now. I find it efficient and fast. It is most convenient. Read more...

6 comments 336 views
Submitted by
Prepubescent Pedants
Language Policy Stellenbosch: Fai...

There is simply no way of looking at Stellenbosch University’s language policy without coming to the conclusion that it is deliberately excluding non-white South Africans from seeking an education there. Read more...

11 comments 326 views
Submitted by
Sarah-jane Silberman
Our family project, restoring a 1...

Well to start off, we were looking for a change, something we could do together as a family, a team job that could maybe turn out to be a dream job, something to be proud of as a family, a little selfish really Read more...

1 comments 1230 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.