PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Navigating manifestations
 
Comments: 22
Article views: 5497
 
 
Latest Badges:


 
View all Navigating manifestations's badges.
 

Top ten stupid questions

14 July 2013, 18:52

If you’re a woman who fancies women, I guarantee you will have rolled your eyes at some of these idiotic queries.

1. Would you sleep with a man if he was really, really hot?

I can appreciate an attractive man like I can appreciate an attractive coffee table. I can look at it and say, “My, that’s one mighty fine piece of carpentry,” but I don’t want to wake up next to it and make it post-coital poached eggs.  

2. So what do you actually, you know… do ?

Well. It all begins with something we lezzers like to call the "joining of the lunar essences". We hold hands, look deeply into each other’s eyes and harness one another’s erotic energy. Next comes an elaborate tea-drinking ceremony. Between sips of Lapsang Souchong, we name our favourite pre-1927 feminist poets. If we agree on more than three, we can move onto the binding of the goddess egos.

Seriously, if you need to ask what two women do in bed you have no imagination. Or internet access, apparently.

3. Why are you all so obsessed with cats?

Because they’re great. Next question.

4. Are you all feminists?

Well, the good ones are. But, you know, all the good men, carrots and dogs are feminists too. But lesbians, like other humans, come in all shapes, sizes and political persuasions. No, we’re not inherently feminist. Some lesbians aren’t too fussed about the sisterhood. Some lesbians read Nuts un-ironically. And, as porn has taught me, some lesbians are Nazis.

And, incidentally, not all feminists are lesbians. Turns out you can shag men and still believe in gender equality. Who knew?

5. Have you listened to the new Tegan and Sara album?

Nope.

6. My boyfriend and I are thinking of having a threesome. Do you want in?

This is a question I’m asked pretty regularly by women on online dating sites. While I’m ever so flattered to be chosen as a conduit to a couple’s first taste of menage, I can think of a few things I’d rather do than titillate a bisexual girl’s boyfriend. Like drink an entire bottle of shampoo. Yeah, I’d rather do that.

7. My mate’s sister’s personal trainer is a lesbian. Do you want her number?

I don’t know. What’s she like? Do we have anything in common? Is she into stubby, hirsute Semites who spend a disproportionate amount of time Googling the symptoms of rare diseases? It’s an insulting misconception that a lesbian will automatically be interested in any other available lesbian. OK, sure, we regularly get drunk and sleep with our friends. That’s different though, gin is involved. So much gin. Lesbians love gin. Plus, our friends are hot.

8. What’s the deal with strap-ons? Are you trying to be men?

Firstly, there’s a lot more to lesbian sex than strap-ons (again, use your imagination. And/or the internet). In fact, many of my people find them ridiculous and unnecessary. I once went to a sex shop with a friend who was looking to buy her first one. She insisted on trying it on (over her jeans, of course) and, after a few minutes of fumbling with the harness, the absurdity of helping to attach a rubber cock to my mate began to sink in.

But there are, of course, gay women who love using strap-ons. And no, they’re not trying to be men, they’re having sexy fun times appropriating masculinity. There’s a big difference.

9. You call yourself a dyke - why can’t I call you that?

Right. Spend fifteen years trying to figure out who you are, while panicking about whether your friends and family will accept that person. Have entire sections of society discriminate against you and douchebags you went to school with ask you a ton of stupid questions (see this article). Discover what it feels like to be devalued and ridiculed in mainstream media and politics. Done all that? Then you can call me a dyke. Maybe.

10. Did you have to chop off your hair when you came out?

I have a bona fide Jewfro that grows outwards rather than down. Having short hair is a lot easier for me. Shocking as it may be, I didn’t chop off my resplendent mane because of lesbianism. Some women happen to look good with short hair. Deal with it.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
22 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Nolizwe Hlope
My Metro Rail Nightmare!!

Trains are a decent form of transportation, they are on time, safe and cost effective, but not Metro Rail, oh no, definitely not Metro Rail.  Read more...

3 comments 1438 views
Submitted by
Miss Darling
I'm a Techie and I love it! An od...

I bang my keyboard and usually need a translator when I absolutely have to speak to non-technical people. That's usually my lowest score on my KPA. Read more...

15 comments 668 views
Submitted by
Zaggeta
A New level of Dictatorship: New ...

When I was younger, and sometimes even today, I always thought our national government to be too incompetent to run as an effective dictatorship.  Read more...

4 comments 665 views
Submitted by
Danie Baard
The big immigration lie

As you know us old people barely get by in our Government provided housing and our pensions and services are deteriorating. Just yesterday I had to wait 7 minutes for a late bus.  Read more...

1 comments 1059 views
Submitted by
annakec
Going Out To Bars, Not Behind The...

Going out on the town at night can be a lot of fun. Bars are clubs are great for hanging out with friends or unwinding after a long week.  Read more...

1 comments 222 views
Submitted by
Gail Shorkend
Cecil the lion and the elephants

I was appalled by the shocking news of Cecil the lion. Read more...

9 comments 371 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.