Training manual for potential candidates to the presidency.
1) As this is Africa you must be a black male to apply.
2) Criminal record prior to taking office may facilitate the transition into other crimes.
3) A fair amount of cultural knowledge will help with disputes when choosing your next ten wives.
4) Morals are not a pre-requisite as these will hinder your potential earnings.
5) Sexist views of woman will ensure the maximum black male votes.
6) Lying through your teeth is an absolute must since you will be making frequent promises you have intention of keeping.
7) Ability to read is required for the prepared speeches unless you can think as fast as you talk.
8) You may find the lavish lifestyle detrimental to your health so remember to sexercise often with any available woman.
9) Bribes may be taken as long as you are in office and not subject to criminal law.
10) Frequent showers will help maintain your HIV status so excessive bathing may be required.
11) Blinkers as used on horses will aid you in keeping focus so not to be distracted by the poverty you leave in your wake.
12) As this position comes with some risk you will be supplied with a private security force. Don’t use the police as they can’t afford to buy the weapons they would need to perform the task. (money will be spent on housing for your family)
13) You will need one of those fat passports for all the traveling you will be doing.
14) You must be comfortable with the use of traditional garb for photo shoots.
15) Tailor made suits will be your only alternative.
16) Choose your friends carefully as these will be running your government when you are unavailable.
17) We recommend you read “Peoples Magazine” for current news.
18) Under no circumstances may you ever acknowledge that you have failed miserably.
19) When things look bad blame the colonialist or for added flavor claim it is due to apartheid. Training in this is offered in-house through the ANC youth league.
20) If you have read this far then you are not a suitable candidate.
21) Should you still be reading then you are white and failed to read point number 1
One final point: Please do not apply as post is currently filled and not likely to become available any time soon.
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