I purposely waited until after valentine’s day to post this, I didn’t want to give some fool like me any ideas.
This is a true story told to me by a close relative who knew the cousin of the guy that did this.
So this guy (let’s call him Piet) always had a slightly off-kilter sense of humour, his friends and relatives knew to be on their guard around him as he was prone to pulling anything from the most complicated and complex practical jokes his twisted mind could conjure up to the old whoopee cushion joke, and everything in between.
Thinking of what to get his girlfriend this particular valentine’s day he was reminded of the birthday gift fiasco of the previous December. He asked the same girl if she had any preferences regarding her present for the upcoming birthday to which she replied “something that I can use every day so that I can reminded me of you” Now guys if a woman says that it normally means jewellery or perfume – trust me on that. Piet also knew this, but seeing as the vacuum cleaner needed replacing he saw this as an opportunity for yet another practical joke, so he bought some very upmarket expensive perfume AND a new vacuum cleaner, and proceeded to place the perfume inside the vacuum cleaner box and then wrapping it in the nicest gift-wrap he could find. The idea was that she would unwrap the vacuum cleaner, be a bit crestfallen and then be pleasantly surprised upon opening the box to examine the vacuum and finding the real present there, leading to squeals of delight, hugging and kissing and all things romantic in appreciation of his sense of humour and good taste. He did not expect the snivelling, crying then bawling in utter grief, followed by recriminations of “is this all I am to you? A cleaner and house-keeper!” Well THAT birthday was ruined, even after he explained the location of the real present and she in turn explained the bad news she had received earlier that day regarding a job she applied for, was almost assured by the interviewer of getting and then not getting after all, leading to a bit of emotional vulnerability.
Well all was sorted and things were fine, Lovey promised not to ever jump to conclusions again and Piet promised to be more sensitive and a good time was had by all for a while.
Fast forward to valentine’s day 2012: Piet decides to test Lovey’s resolve about not jumping to conclusions. Nevermind sensitivity – that’s for ‘mericans too whipped to act like real men.
Piet shops around at jewellery stores and eventually finds the perfect gift – a very fine and feminine gold necklace with a woven heart pendant and matching earrings.
And a new mop and bucket at Checkers.
We all make mistakes…
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