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Irukandji
 
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Welcome to Cinderella Land

14 February 2012, 13:50

We are constantly being bombarded with horror stories of car accidents, stabbings, burglaries, beatings, ATM bombings, cable theft, rape, and murder; all taking place late at night or in the early morning.

 

For a long time I have maintained that most people moving around after midnight (excluding service personnel such as security guards, police, emergency staff, and people working nightshifts) are either drunk, drugged, homeless, or on their way to commit a crime. It is a well known fact that some corrupt members of the SAPS are also productive at this time of night; taking bribes from intoxicated drivers on their way home. But that is another story.

 

Just last week, according to our local community newspaper, a man was allegedly beaten to death at three o’clock in the morning – by his mistress – with a mop. Aside from the bizarre choice of the murder weapon, one can only speculate as to how this happened. Personally, I cannot for the life of me imagine waking up and whacking the life out of my partner, at such an ungodly hour – with a mop, nogal.

 

Following an argument between them, a man sjambokked his wife to death, at 04:00 on Friday, in the village of Ikageng. Police found a sjambok and a pick axe handle next to the deceased.

 

Lately there has been a whole spate of car accidents between midnight and six o’clock in the morning. In all cases it was claimed that the drivers were sober; so the accidents must have been caused by drunken objects or drunk cars.

 

Just last month, six people were killed in the early hours of the morning when their car crashed into a drunken shop front in Plumstead, Cape Town. Unfortunately, a security guard was also killed in this accident.

 

The son of Public Protector, Thuli Madonsela, stole her official Black BMW X6 during the early hours of the morning while she was sleeping (as if government officials don’t get enough sleep during the day). With the son driving, a drunken wall slammed into the stolen car. The son claims that he swerved to avoid a dog that was under the influence. The inebriated dog was never found. (With a salary packet of R1, 789 million a year, you would think that Madonsela would buy her thieving son his own little car.)

 

Often, on Saturday and Sunday mornings, traffic lights and the poles of streetlights and stop signs, lean at drunken angles – the hallmark of drunken cars the night before. 

 

How often have you heard of bouncers beating up visitors at the clubs where they work? It always happens after midnight; the visitors are always sober, innocent, and well behaved; the bouncers are always drunk and looking for a fight. Duh? You believe this?

 

The bombing of ATM’s has become a lucrative pastime for some of our more adventurous citizens. These dedicated gangs operate when most of us are catching up on some well deserved zzzees. Judging from the amount of botched explosions, it would seem as if some of the ATM’s were heavily under the influence when they were blown to smithereens.

 

In my previous neighbourhood we had no less than eight separate incidents of cable theft; always after midnight.

 

Are we living in Cinderella Land? Remember the Fairy Godmother’s warning: “Whatever happens, do not stay at the ball after twelve o’clock.” What happens to some people that make them go “bedonnerd” in the head after the bewitching hour?

 

I’m willing to bet that if a 10pm curfew was imposed, we would see a dramatic decline in crime and accidents.

 

Now, if someone could just come up with a plan to get rid of mops, sjamboks, pick axe handles, drunken walls, inebriated poles, intoxicated dogs …

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