You have matriculated or graduated and are now working ever harder for your first interview.
You have signed up with Kelly or Quest, approached companies regarding their trainee programmes and spoken to friends and family about vacancies. And read Careers 24.
You have a professional CV, googled on how to conduct yourself during an interview, and have mastered the firm handshake, eye contact and how to dress appropriately.
You did a mock interview with a family member and took this seriously.
Now, you have a real interview.
This is a compilation from HR Managers of what job seekers actually did during the process.
They brought their dog, mom or therapist with.
They hugged the interviewer.
They giggled, swore, chewed gum, answered their 'phones and ate all the sweets from the bowl.
But, what they said is even more bizarre.
When the salary was offered, one asked: "Does this mean I'll only be working one day a week?"
I like your receptionist's big boobs. Is she married?
Is this going to take long as I have another interview?
Do you mind if I smoke?
What is your policy on Monday and Friday absenteeism?
Please give me a brief job description as I don't like to work too hard.
Do you mind if I eat my burger. The joint I smoked on the way here has made me very hungry.
Please throw my beer can into your bin and organise me a cup of coffee. I'm still drunk from last night.
Sorry I'm late, but I got into a fight with one of your suits when he said I could not park in his bay.
How long will I have to wait before you do the drug test?
When you do the background checks, will my drunken driving arrests come up?
I don't have transport, so could you fetch me and drop me off again?
My parents told me to get a job, so that's why I'm here.
"Would you mind if I called my mom?" when one was asked how soon he could begin.
The answer to 'what are your hobbies'? "I lap dance over weekends."
When applying for a customer service position one answered: "I love working with people."
"So, tell me, what is it exactly you do around here?" an HR Manager was asked.
Answers to - What are your strengths (assets) and weaknesses?
I am very good at following instructions. I can lift a Great Dane over my head. I have a motorbike (asset). I have trouble getting out of bed in the mornings.
After an interview and then on a tour of a BMW assembly line, an 18 year old told the Supervisor: "This is no way to run a factory. Wait until I'm here. I'll sort these people out for you."
I was once asked to train a matriculant who had passed with seven distinctions.
"How many distinctions did you receive in Matric?" he asked, with a condescending grin.
"None." I replied.
"Then why did they ask you to train me?" he continued.
"Because I am been punished for taking maternity leave?" I said, as my colleagues cracked up.
All went well after that. He even gave me a baby gro.
From his mom.