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Spaceygirl
 
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What's in a name?

04 July 2013, 11:43

 Oh Kimmy.  For nine months I followed your pregnancy and defended you against the people who went on tirades about your weight gain and fashion choices.  When I heard you had named your baby girl Kadence I thought, yes, that’s a pretty name for what is obviously going to be a pretty girl but then the reports came through that your baby girl was indeed named North. North? North WEST?  No Kim, just no.  Why would you do that? Cool and smart it ain’t. Stupid it is.

Why do celebrities insist on silly, silly names for their offspring? Do they dislike their children so much? Or is it just another way of attracting attention?  Do they not think what kind of childhood their children are going to have with a name like that? Already the jokes about North West have surfaced, “Don’t make fun of North West, that child is going right to the top and slightly to the left”.  “Alicia Keys is so jealous of the smart name Kimye gave their child that she renamed her son Car”. Haw haw. Admittedly, no-one is going to make fun of little North West to her face….mostly because they’ll be too scared of her angry Daddy but is it fair to saddle a child with a moniker like that?

Celebrities are famous for giving their children unusual names, the list is endless.  Gwen Stefani with her sons Kingston and Zuma, Brangelina’s brood of Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Vivienne, Shiloh and Knox. Kate Hudson with her sons Ryder and Bingham, Jennifer Garner’s daughter Seraphina, Will Smith’s daughter Willow and son Jayden, Jenna Elfmans daughter Story, Tom Cruise’s daughter Suri,  Forest Whitaker’s children Sonnet, True and Autumn,  Tracey Morgan’s daughter Maven, Ashlee Simpson’s son Bronx, Alicia Key’s daughter Egypt, Cate Blanchett’s son Ignatius, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s twins Moroccan and Monroe, Nicole Ritchie’s son Sparrow and Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban’s daughter Sunday.

Then there are the downright bizarre. Actress Gretchen Mol named her son Ptolemy.  British adventurer and tv presenter named two of his children Huckleberry and Marmaduke.

Peaches Geldof’s daugher, Phaedra,  Reese Witherspoon’s son Tennessee, Mark Owen’s son Fox India,  Beyonce and Jay Z’s daughter Blue Ivy and  my two personal favourites,  the son of actress Shannon Sossamon is named Audio Science Clayton and the son of actor Jason Lee is Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf.  I. kid. you. not.

People have blamed Gwyneth Paltrow for starting the Silly Celebrity Baby name trend with her choice of Apple in 2004 but it goes further back than that.  Actress Diane Keaton named her adopted daughter Dexter in 1996, Bob Geldof named his first daughter Fifi Trixibelle in 1983 (He also has two other daughters with silly names, Peaches Honeyblossom and Pixie)  One could say that Frank Zappa started the whole thing with his children’s names,  daughter Moon Unit in 1967, son Dweezil in 1969 (the hospital refused to register him as Dweezil, so he was registered as Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa. He's since had his name legally changed to Dweezil) Ahmet Emuukha Rodan Zappa born in 1974, (He has a relatively normal name. At least, Ahmet is a normal name. Can't say much about his middle names) and daughter Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen Zappa born in 1979. 

What would possess someone to pick a name as bizarre as Diva? As if the first name isn’t bad enough, she’s then saddled with not one, not two but THREE more weird names! The mind boggles at the logic used to pick a name like that.  In his defense Frank Zappa in the 60’s could use the excuse of being on an Acid  Trip at the time but what excuse can Kanye and Kim use?  Pure stupidity maybe.

Of course, weird and/or unusual names are not only used by Celebrities.  There was the guy in Italy in the 90’s who named his son after the entire Italian Football team, an Egyptian a year or so ago who named his daughter Facebook and the countless Britons who have named their sons Luke Skywalker. Seriously. 

How many people do you know with an unusual name?  I have dealings with a man named Comfort, a lady named Hastings and a FB friend called Gwalchmai.  (Don’t even ask me how to pronounce it!)

If you’re having a baby, their name causes much head-scratching and could lead to family arguments.  Before my niece was born, her name veered from Leila (which I love!) to Tamara (which I don’t!).  Two weeks before she was born my sister decided on Skyler. Very pretty and not as unusual as you may think!  Luckily, she’s grown up as beautiful as her name. 

Then there as those who disregard the initials of the names used. I went to a school with a girl called Tamsin Irene Thomas… T I T. She was teased mercilessly.  My parents, in their infinite wisdom did it twice! My initials are, appropriately enough, MAD and my younger sister’s initials are BP. Not so bad until you consider our surname is Diesel! Really Mom and Dad, how could you? ;)

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