I was talking to a teacher the other day and she told me she divorced her husband because he said she loves their son more than him. It got me thinking about the perceived roles of a family opposed to what the family dynamic actually is. After the birth of a child, surely in conjunction with the nature/nurture debate, the child becomes primary to both Parents for obvious reasons.
Anne - “Put them first? In what way? Kids always come first because they depend on you for everything! I might say I love my kids differently .... but that is because I didn't pick them. They were chosen by GOD for me and are part of me. I chose my husband. Not that I don't love him just as much but it is just different.”
Stella - “I've heard a lot of people say that you should put your husband first because the marriage was first and the kids came second and that the marriage is the bond that holds the family together but I just don't think that I could ever treat my kids as if they were 2nd. My son is just too important to me.”
One plus one is two. Two plus one is three. Three plus one is four. And so on. Seems simple, doesn't it, unless what you are adding is new family members, or tornadoes.
Family dynamics are an important part of living together. Life changes for both parties when there is a marriage and continues to evolve as the two people who make up that union grow and change emotionally and professionally. Meandering through the obstacle course called life with a partner can be very difficult, and very rewarding. Add a child or two, maybe even a few, into the mix and what you have is team work and lots of extra work to do. Problems multiply, but blessings and bliss are squared infinitely. Life alone pales in comparison.
When the first baby is born parents are often bowled over by the sheer amount of work required by a new-born and the incredible amount of love they feel for that tiny, noisy creature. It’s okay to be bowled over, just be sure you are holding onto your mate very tightly. The emotional wreckage of sheer exhaustion and colossal role changes sometimes leaves couples confused about what in the world are they doing with each other. Dad may feel left out. Mom may feel Dad doesn’t do enough to help and when he does, it’s all wrong. Just hang on. These feelings will pass. Though the waves are strong, you must be stronger.
What about unconditional love?
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