In spirit of the USA Election fever, I decided to analyse what makes South Africa better than what seems to be “the Divided States of America” at the moment:
>> Nkandla is bigger than the White House!
>> We have more than one First Lady. They may not be as sporty as Michelle Obama, but they run around the most amazing cities in the world, looking busy and fabulous.
>> While Obama laughs at his caricatures, our president sues our cartoonists, drops the charges, so he can pay for the charges accused him of in those cartoons, in the first place... That’s much more entertaining in the long run.
>> Jacob Zuma is far more “potent” than any other president, with over 20 children from various women. Also, his penis has been painted, mounted, torn off, replaced, reproduced by fine artists, cartoonists and even school children (as The Star so refreshingly put on their front-page weeks ago). Sorry, “mounted” sounded so wrong there.
>> We have a jester that wants the throne, outdoing George W Bush and Mitt Romney in his actions and speech: Julius Malema.
>> We have the same former president on all our bank notes – much less confusing than the American notes.
>> We have 11 official languages and dozens of dialects, including Tsotsitaal, “Thief language.” Yes, no kidding. Just in case they call you from the cellphone they end up throwing away anyway.
>> Our ministers are famous for bribes and some of their wives for being drug mules. Imagine a senate like that? It keeps our media busy.
>> Our Hillary Clinton is Helen Zille! Only she dances much better and has entertaining fights with our jester.
>> We have a population of about 50 million, where the majority continues to vote for the party associated the struggle, when they seem to be the cause of our latest struggles (including the building of Nkandla).
In the words of Joseph Stalin, adored by millions whom he eventually sacrificed: “It’s not who votes that counts, it’s who counts the votes.”