Old Aesop, teller of fables, lived hundreds of years ago, but he certainly understood greedy politicians and their evil ways.
The Fox and the Hedgehog: Based on a true story
Characters: Fox – The South African voters
Hedgehogs – The Democratic Alliance
Blood-sucking flies – The ANC-leader and his comrades
(The curtain opens to the scene of the Fox swimming across a raging river – carried along by the force of the current into a deep ravine; where he is washed up – bruised, buggered, sick, and unable to move.)
Soon a swarm of hungry blood-sucking flies settles upon him.
The leader of the Hedgehogs comes toyi-toying up to the suffering Fox. (The Fox is not impressed by her ridiculous pantaloon-like dress – manufactured from the DA Flag – or by her blue takkies.)
“You look ridiculous – like a monkey doing the can-can,” mumbles the Fox.
“I know, but I’ll do ANYTHING to convince the voters to vote for me. Besides, I don’t wear my black sash anymore, it’s so yesterday!”
“Aaaargh!” moans the Fox.
“You don’t need to be sarcastic!”
“No, it’s not that! It’s just that these bloody, blood-sucking ANC-flies, are tormenting me,” explains the Fox.
“Do you want me to get rid of them?” asks Madam Hedgehog. “Please! Please! Please, let me get rid of them! I’ll make you my Spokesperson, or Federal Council Chairperson, or Parliamentary Leader! Anything! I’ll even march to the compound of the Lord of the Flies, at Nkandla – again!”
“Nah,” replies the Fox, “just leave them BEE.”
“Is it because you think that Hedgehogs only care for white Foxes? Or that my tea girl is a black Hedgehog? Or because I said that irresponsible Foxes who refused to use condoms, and had multiple sexual partners, should be charged with attempted murder? Or because I built open toilets for coloured Foxes in the Western Cape?”
“Aaaaaggggh,” groans the FOX. “None of the above!”
“So why don’t you want me to get rid of them?”
“Well, you see, it’s like this. These blood-sucking flies that you see on me are already full, to bursting point, on my blood. If you chase them away now, and replace them with your own hungry DA-flies, the new ones will suck up all the blood I have left! And that will kill me for sure.”
“Crikey, you Foxes are full of nonsense! Don’t come running to me when you want to complain about service delivery,” and with that, the Madam Hedgehog smiles at the cameras and leaves the stage.
The curtain falls on the Fox – who starts burning tyres, and throwing rocks at the audience, while screaming: “Enough is enough!!”
There is no standing ovation and no demand for an encore.