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Why am I a thief, a con, an exploiter, a backstabber, a cheater?

03 April 2014, 12:16

Sometimes I just can't help it, I ask myself, why do I as a politician steal from the poor people who mandated me to work for them? Why am I working against them?

Sometimes I just ask myself as a preacher, why am I using rhetorical tactics to steal from the people that I pretend to be feeding the word of God? Why am I working against them?

Sometimes I just ask myself as a private business owner, why am I exploiting the same employees who are making me rich? Why am I working against them?

Sometimes I just ask myself as a friend, why am I gossiping the very same people that I call my close friends? Why am I working against them?

Sometimes I just ask myself as a lover, why am I cheating on the partner that I told the world I love with all my heart? Why am I working against them?

The truth is: I am hurting. Deep inside, I'm a Mbuyangwana who must work against everything in order to feel better about myself.

The unacknowledged truth is: I have a low self-esteem. Deep inside, I'm a self-pitying individual who must work against everything to boost my esteem.

The scary truth is: My ego is bleeding. Deep inside, I seek some form of validation that can tell me that I matter, because if I feel I do not matter, I become a vicious Social Sniper working against everything to avenge myself on the world.

Yes, this is the truth, but the question is: Why is my ego bleeding?

1. My ego is bleeding for recognition.

2. My ego is bleeding for admiration.

3. My ego is bleeding for attention.

4. My ego is bleeding for appreciation.

5. My ego is bleeding for affection.

6. My ego is bleeding for retribution.

7. My ego is bleeding for restitution.

8. My ego is bleeding for manipulation.

9. My ego is bleeding for an upper hand.

10. My ego is bleeding to be better than my neighbour; to be better than my peers; to be better than my friends; to be better than my partner; to be better than my brother; to be better than my sister; to be better than my relatives; my ego is bleeding to be better than my enemies.

In the paraphrased words of Paul the Biblical Apostle, “Oh, wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from this ego?”


The Egomaniac

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