MyNews24 is a user-generated section of The stories here come from users.

Comments: 12
Article views: 2
Latest Badges:

View all Tyronehster's badges.

Wine Whine

05 October 2012, 15:07

I know some people consider me to be a bit of a whinger, and they might even be justified in thinking that, but I think my whining might well be justified. Read on and see what you think.

I am somewhat of a wine lover, but I really wouldn’t know the difference between a Chateau Lafitte ’22 and a Cabernet Sauvignon Plonk de Plonk. I do not sniff the cork or, indeed, the wine itself, I do not swill it around in the glass before taking a sip and again swilling it around in my mouth.

No, I am a Philistine. Utterly and irredeemably so.

To my mind, what there is of it, wine is for drinking, what?

And according to protocol, neither fish nor fowl should ever touch my lips, for I do not imbibe white wine. I am, in fact, doomed to a life of red meat in public places, and surreptitious consumption of fish and, or, fowl in private, where I can embarrass no one.

To my not so educated mind, a lot can be judged about a wine by the quality of the printing on the box; the better the printing, the better the picture, and the better the wine. Obviously.

A bottle has such limited space on its label, that it is obviously not possible to depict so many people having such a wonderful time in the vineyards, or indeed depict the farm on which it grew, mountains and all.

One of my other pet peeves, culture vulture that I am, is that I cannot abide cheeses that seem to have, and probably do have, more culture and, in fact life, than I do. So, wine is fine, cheese and wine is not, and I cannot see why a perfectly good wine should be sullied by the addition of malodorous cheeses.

And to the true cheese lover, it would seem, the more malodorous, the better.

When a cheese is competing with a mineworker’s socks for odour, I am not about to put that cheese into my mouth. No I am a lover of Cheddar and Gouda and Melrose wedges, and they do not go too well with any wine I can think of offhand, except perhaps a half-gallon jug of Tassies.

Wine critics and wine lovers often put me in mind of the Monty Python sketch regarding Australian wines, you know……”Chateau Regurgité Wogga Wogga has a bouquet like an aborigine’s armpit and is a must for emitic fans. This wine should definitely be drunk lying down. “

So, I suppose that I, and those of similar ilk, will forever be consigned to the scrap heap of good taste, with our boxes of wine, our well-charred braai and a half-gallon jug of Lieberstein with which to wash it down. Unless, of course, we have company, in which case we need a one-gallon jug of Lieberstein.

I think that the following illustration best sums up all I’m trying to say here.

Many years ago, before the introduction of television into South Africa, I went to movies on a Friday night, as was my wont, and was treated to a marvel of cinema advertising that still ranks with the best I have ever seen.

Picture the scene if you will: a restaurant, obviously five star, with a long canopy covering the red carpet and a doorman in maroon uniform with gold epaulettes.

A very smartly dressed and beautifully turned out young couple arrive at the restaurant in their Rolls Royce, and the doorman rushes out to open the door for the lady. She gets out, a truly beautiful and sophisticated woman, and her partner gets out and gives the keys of his Rolls to a valet, who then whisks the car off to wherever it is that valets whisk cars.

The headwaiter virtually bows our young couple to their table and clicks his fingers for the wine steward, who obsequiously brings the wine list across to our young couple.

The gentleman, for that is what he is, says to the wine steward, “I’ll leave the decision in your hands, my good man.” And the steward almost glows with pleasure. If he’d had a tail, I’m sure he would have wagged it.

He returns after a few moments and presents his choice to them, wrapped, of course, in a napkin….Lieberstein! And a gypsy violinist sidles up behind him and starts playing the Lieberstein jingle.

So, if smart restaurants like that can serve, nay recommend! Lieberstein, how then can I be called a Philistine for imbibing boxed wine and eating Melrose cheese?

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received. publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Thandolwethu Mene
South African ICC exit a step in ...

What is the International Criminal Court and what is its purpose? Read more...

0 comments 811 views
Submitted by
Michael Mondli Hlophe
Defeating Privilege

Many sceptics will probably read the topic and move on to the next without giving the article the time of day. Privilege is however something that needs to be addressed. Read more...

0 comments 1430 views
Submitted by
Mark Nancarrow
Why I love Cambodia’s capital

There are so many reasons to hate Cambodia’s bite sized capital of Phnom Penh. Open sewers, naked children, piles of burning garbage on every street. Its a dirty, smelly, noisy amalgam. But Phnom Penh grows on you and by the time you leave it will occupy a special place in your heart. Read more...

0 comments 291 views
Submitted by
Nkanyiso Land Tumi
Fees must fall movement is unforg...

I am very shocked to see students protesting in the presence of police as if they're criminals. Read more...

0 comments 4476 views
Submitted by
De Wet Ferreira
Put the 'heal' Back into Mental H...

We all know what do when we cut or scratch ourselves, right? Our first response, without even thinking about it, is to go for the medicine cabinet – grabbing the antiseptic ointment and a plaster or two.  Read more...

0 comments 268 views
Submitted by
Colin Harding
Western cape dams are 30% lower t...

Not to understate the seriousness of the drought that South Africa is caught up in, I am a little concerned when local government state one statistic and the DWA have a different statistic. Read more...

0 comments 1079 views


E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

Interactive Advertising Bureau
© 2016 All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.


Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire network.


Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.