A few days ago, you might have met Wolf: http://www.news24.com/MyNews24/I-am-being-human-20131030. Yesterday Wolf was really fed up. He had to put up with so much b.s: First from this sociopathic grandma who had been lying about him for ages, Grandma’s bigoted boyfriend Spider who kept questioning his (Wolf's) humanity, then that world class suck-up woodcutter Harry who just blindly follows and admires anyone that buys him booze, and finally that blue-stocking feminazi Red Riding Hood. They pissed him off so much, he ended up swallowing them and their b.s. combined. Unfortunately, swallowing all that b.s. made him so nauseous, that he had to regurgitate the whole bunch. As a result the mentioned individuals are currently suffering severe amnesia, to such extent that they believe themselves to be relatives or friends of the recently convicted Boeremag members.
Since Wolf is more of a mainstream, commercially-aware, investor-pleaser, this kind of fringe-kissing really doesn't swing with him at all. Yet, being scared that they might regain their memories and press criminal charges against him for attempted murder, he decides to keep them with him in his Woodhill mansion until he's thought up a plan to get rid of them (without killing them).
So, as we speak, the folks are hanging out in Wolf's kitchen: Red Riding Hood making koeksisters, grandma spicing some pork chops, Spider reading articles out loud from Beeld newspaper about the injustice done against Red Riding Hood's betrothed, Harry playing Bok van Blerk's 'De La Rey' on repeat, and Wolf watching Nat Geo on silent. He wishes he had earphones to drown out the music and conversation. Also, as we speak, copious amounts of alcohol are being consumed.
Sobs Red Riding Hood: 'So how do I explain to little Racheltjie that her daddy's in prison for NOTHING?'
Grandma: 'How do you think I explain to people that my granddaughter has a 10-year-old bastard child? '
Spider: 'LOL, immaculate conception?' [hick]
Grandma: 'Yup. And people believe me. So you just keep telling Racheltjie that her daddy's innocent, those bombs did not explode and nobody died. A bit like a phantom pregnancy, it just goes away. Plus the only life that really matters in this case, which is the one of the other Nobel Prize winner, was never taken. She'll totally believe you'.
Harry: 'Where can I find the teelstasies ( breeding station) your boyfriend built, Red Riding Hood? I wanna artificially impregnate me a boerenooi.'
Spider: 'I don't think they got round to building those son. The outcome of this case is super tos, how can you give even 5 years to someone who merely wanted to protect their species?'
Grandma: 'Jaaaa, I have a right to be kept locked up in a clean, crisp, white building smelling of surgical spirits, and I want to be inseminated! I have the right to give birth to a boerseun and you can't do it in any other way these days. How dare the government deny me that right?’
Red Riding Hood: 'Actually (what I told little Racheltjie), the teelstasie allegations were a media stunt to defile our culture. Because the death of a woman living in a shack with two children and the man she loved was obviously not enough to shock people. So there are no teelstasies, guys, you would (still) have to focus on your inner beauty to get a girlfriend.'
Spider, Grandma and Harry: 'Noooooo f@kin' waaaaaay!'
Wolf, watching two hyenas copulating on TV: [yelp] ' Freeedom!'
Spider: 'Tos organisation, whaz .....war without....bit o' love?'
Harry: 'Yeah, because love is what you get when you artificially inseminate a boerenooi, né?' [burp]
Red Riding Hood: 'I wouldn't know, I have never experienced that. Maybe that's where we all went wrong. Maybe that's why ZA sucks.'
Grandma: 'Yeah, let's start a cult, the Neo-Boeremag.'
Wolf: 'Could you guys please shut it for 2 minutes?'
Spider: 'Wolf! Wolf! What...the.....hell’s...he doin' here...hide!' [hick]
Wolf: 'Chill dude, I am a human being.’
Grandma: 'You smell, get the f@ck out of here.'
Wolf: 'In all fairness lady, it's MY house. And I paid for those chops and dop.'
Harry: 'Kewl, he's got money!'
Red Riding Hood: 'Yoh, I haven't even noticed until now how beautiful this house is. Wouldn't you perhaps sponsor us some money for our cult, sir? We could keep some hyena females as well to be artificially inseminated'.
Wolf: 'Enough of this crap. You people are heartless, sexist, racist, fools.' [licks his (actual) chops]
Red Riding Hood, Grandma, Harry and Spider: 'Nooooooo!'
Wolf: 'Flipping hell, wonder what they'd be like the next time I spit them out? I can't stomach people like this. Zero regard for life, zero compassion. Thank goodness those arseholes got their punishment, and that they didn't kill the old man. Or Casper de Vries for that matter.'
Wolf flips channels.
Headline coming from the TV: '...coming up, an interview with the family of Boeremag bombing victim Clau....'
Wolf, whilst changing channels again: ‘Oh for f@ck's sake, which channel is Animal Planet on again?'
*****As explicitly stated in my previous post, none of the characters in this story are real - Not even the most twisted ones. Thus there's no need to defend any real people should you find any coincidental resemblances.
******Claudia Mokone, rest in peace.
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