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Women and shoes

26 February 2013, 07:21

What’s the deal with women and shoes?

I saw an advertisement the other day featuring a newly minted mom talking to her baby daughter about what to expect from life. All very emotional and thought-provoking, but it ended off with the line “Now, about shoes”.

About shoes? How can shoes be as important as life lessons regarding love and the accompanying specter of venereal disease? Why does it deserve mention in the same scene as fulfilling your ambitions, even if said ambitions amount to nothing more than eventually telling your own daughter about shoes? Are shoes really as important as, say, penis size?

I follow a certain pornstar on Twitter. For the articles of course. Anyway, she regularly posts pictures of herself naked or mid-coitus, but also, without fail, posts snaps of herself with whatever new pair of shoes she’s acquired. Shoes, in her mind, deserve at least the same amount of exposure as porn. As in; look, here’s my vag, and oh, look at these new Christian Louboutin’s I got from a fan who paid $500.00 for them in the hopes that I might let him touch my boobies. Sucker!

No, I wasn’t the fan.

I have four pairs of shoes. One for work and other mildly formal situations. One pair of takkies for garden work. One pair of sandals for... I can’t remember now but they do look good over socks. And finally, one pair of slippers. That’s it. The wife has probably 30 pairs. That I know about. And buying shoes for her is not a shopping trip, it’s a spiritual experience. Not just any old black shoes with a fat heel and straps that do not go around the ankle yet does give support although does not go through the space between her big toe and second to and oh also it is not supposed to have a heel that high, heavens no. And also, not that shade of black. It must be a slightly blacker shade of black. Obviously! And also...
It can take literally months for her to buy one pair of shoes. Which she then keeps in a box in her cupboard and does not wear.

Like, WTF?

It’d be very balanced and fair for me to say here that I have a similar fixation on some other thing, but nothing really comes to mind. Okay, I do have about 4000 books that I simply cannot get rid of even though I have read them all; but really, it’s not the same thing, is it? Each of those books has some sentimental value to me and they all teach a valuable life lesson in some way or other. Even the ones that teaches you how to code C++ in 24 hours. And granted, they are all stored away in boxes but really, that’s just for neatness purposes. I could read them again anytime I have about four weeks spare to unpack them to find the one I am looking for.

It’s not the same thing at all.

No, really

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