It wus one a them days in early spring, when th’ sun wus shinin’ th’ birds wus sangin’ and they wus new green leaves on all th’ trees. Real purty, she wus. An’ the leaves whut fell in th’ fall got all sof’ an’ sqishy in the winter with a’ th’ rain, so it felt kinda good netween a body’s toes as he done walk along. Yes sirree Bob, it war’ a good day t’ be alive!
Buford done looked up at th’ sky, wi’ them big ol’ puffy clouds, movin’ slow like, an’ said, ‘Y’know Abner, some folks is plumb foolish.’
‘Y’kin say thet agin, Buford, but why’dja thank it now?’
‘Well, I’m je’s moseyin’ along, lookin at all the thangs God done, like making thisyere spring an’ them purty leaves up there on th’ trees an’ jes’ plain everthang thet’s so goldarned beautiful, a’ then I thank ‘bout them dumbasses whut don’ believe in no God.’ He shook his head real sad like. ‘Them folks mus’ be blind, cause I ain’t smart, but even I kin see thet God made alla this!’
Abner nodded, real wise like. ‘some folks is born dumb, but other folks, they make ‘emsle’ves dumb apurpose.’
Jes ‘bout thet time, they heerd sumpin’ real strange. It sounded like somebody cryin’, but it sounded like a growed up man whut wus cryin’ an’ a growed up man din’ have no bizzness cryin’.
Well, they tracked down th’ soun’ an’ there wus Woodley, one a they neighbours f’um up the road a piece. He had hisse’f a jug a moonshine an’ he wus suckin’ on thet there moonshine and then cryin’ like a little girl. Abner an’ Buford wus plumb embarrassed, I kin tell you, but he seen ‘em an sang out, his voice all crackin like, ‘Won’ you boys come an’ join me? They’s enough moonshine t’ go aroun’!’
Well, they wus embarrassed by his cryin’, but they wus in th’ mood fer moonshine, so they set theirselves down in the holler nex’ t’ him, an’ had theirselves a good, long suck a thet moonshine and she bit, man did she ever bite, but given a warm glow in th’ belly.
‘Sorry about thisyere cryin’, boys, but my heart plumb feels like she’s gonna break!’ He tooken another swaller an’ then passed the jug back t’ Abner an’ Buford.
They both token a big, long swaller, then Abner, who a’ways had t’ know ever’thang, said t’ Woodley, ‘Why in tarnation you, a grown man, cryin’ like a little bitty girl?’
Woodley shook his haid, real sad like. ‘You boys wouldn’ unnerstan’.’
‘Try us,’ said Buford, before Abner could say an’thang. He looked at Buford real annoyed like.
Well, Woodley, he given a big ol’ sigh, like where his whole body shook. 'It’s jes’ too sad, boys, an’ you wouldn’t unnerstan’.’ Well, he dropped his haid an’ the tears wus fallin’ on his pants an’ wettin’ ‘em.
‘We could try,’ said Buford.
Well, Woodley, he begun t’ tell them his story, an’ it wus shore goldarned stupid, Abner thunk. Woodley wus one a’ them fellers whut built hisself a lean-to fer his cow, so she wouldn’ git too cold inna winter. He had hisself some airs an’ graces a’right.
Well, he said he wen’ inta the lean-to, where his cow wus standin’ in the stall, an’ he put down th’ bucket t’ milk her. Jes’ when he filled up thet there bucket, she done kicked it over. 'I cain’t b’lieve you could cry over sumpin’ like thet! Thet’s really cryin’ over spilt milk.’ There he wus, showin’ off his book larnin agin’.
Woodley shook his haid, ‘I tol’ you you wouldn’ unnerstan’.’ An he token another suck on thet jug.
Buford done held up his han’. ‘Wait, Woodley, I wanna hear it.’
Well, Woodley looked at him, wi’ tears streamin’ down his face. ‘Why, thank you, Buford. Well, I got me a piece a rope, an’ tied her laig t’ the side a th’ stall, an’ went back t’ milkin’ her. Jes when thet bucket wus full, she done kicked it over with th’ other laig.’
Abner plumb stood up, he wus so mad. ‘Y’ cain’t cry over sumpin like thet!’
Woodley done shook his haid. ‘I tol’ you you wouldn’ unnerstan’.’
Buford said, ‘Hush up now, Abner, an’ le’s hear whut Woodley’s got t’ say.’
Well, Abner, he looked at Buford like he jes’ done growed horns! But he set down, a’right, an’ Woodley carried on with his story.
‘Wel, I got me some more rope an’ tied her other laig t’ the other post, an’ jes’ when th’ bucket wus full, she done knocked it over wi’ her tail.’ He shooken his haid an’ tears started fallin’ agin, an’ Abner done snorted, but Buford given him a real evil look, so Abner said nothin’.
‘Well, I din’ have no more rope, an’ I had t’ git milk, so I tooken off by belt an’ tied it ‘roun’ her tail, an th’ew it over th’ rafters and tied it good an’ tight. Jes’ when I wus ready t’ start milkin’ agin, my pants fell off, Maisie walked in, an’ I ain’t seen her since.’
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