PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Charles Dumbwin
 
Comments: 81
Article views: 1566
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Charles Dumbwin's badges.
 

X Files – Delusional atheist Conspiracies

03 August 2012, 10:42

Agents Mulder and Scully had just finished an intensive forensic analysis session and were sharing a well-deserved cigarette, when suddenly came a knock at the door.

Standing there, in the pouring rain, were two unsavoury looking characters that Agent Scully despised at once. 

‘Yes?’ said Mulder.  ‘Can we help you?’

‘We really, really hope so,’ said the fat one.

‘Where are your umbrellas?’ asked Scully.

‘We’re atheists’ said Fatty, ‘we don’t believe in umbrellas.’

‘But it’s raining!’ said Scully, stating the glaringly obvious.

‘If you say so,’ said atheist’s sidekick, and the two came inside.

‘So what can we do for you gentlemen?’ said Mulder.

Fatty piped up, ‘We believe there’s a plot against us and our religion.’  Sidekick nodded approvingly.  ‘And we’re not just being paranoid,’ he added quickly.

‘Someone’s trying to overthrow the cult of atheism?’ said Scully, sceptical.

‘Not just overthrow!  They’re trying to infiltrate.  And we know who these people are.  Actually, we’re not sure.  It could be one bloke, maybe two, three or more at most.  They are everywhere!  We know they are...  Even now, we feel them.’  Sidekick was picking his nose but seemed to agree.

‘So the atheist religion is under attack from some cloak and dagger operatives and you guys want us to find out who?’ said Mulder.

‘Precisely right,’ said Fatty.  Sidekick was now eating whatever he’d found up his nasal passage, and was either agreeing with Fatty, or the crunchy texture of his fortunate find.  ‘We’re not too concerned with what we can see, but with what we can’t.’

‘So you do believe in what you can’t see?’ said Scully, more sceptical this time.

‘Yes!  I mean, No!  I mean, sorry what?  Oh hell, we don’t know anymore, but they’re watching us.’

‘Who?’ said Scully.

‘The anti-atheists, those soldiers who have infiltrated.  To them, we’re nothing but a bunch of blubbering buffoons.  They call us pseudo-intellectites.  Intellectites?  Damn it man, that’s not even a word!’

‘Mulder, is he okay?’

‘It’s fine Scully, let me handle this,’ said Mulder, turning back to the atheists.  ‘Tell me, have you boys been drinking?’  Fatty frowned.  ‘No seriously, we’re a science lab, and of all the conspiracy theories we’ve dealt with, this one is the most absurd.’

‘Crrackpot,’ said Fatty, ‘Let’s roll, we’ve moving.  We’ll get no help here.’

Crrackpot swallowed and said, ‘But I thought we’re going to rope in science to assist.’

‘Science cannot help us; instead we’ll start a Kumbaya support group on Facebook, and invite every single atheist in the country to join us!’

‘You mean all eighty of them?’

‘Shutup Crrackpot, let’s roll.’

After they’d left, Mulder and Scully sat a moment, contemplating about what had just happened.

‘Do you believe any of the nonsense that atheists believe?’ said Scully.

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said Mulder, ‘but the truth is out there.’

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
81 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Lutgen Landman
Kurtley Beale: A life of scandals

Lets take a look at the rap sheet for Kurtley Beale over the past few years. Read more...

5 comments 1022 views
Submitted by
Hennie Potgieter
Are we losing our ability to reas...

Why is it that we can get so hyped about things that do not directly concern us, or that we do not understand? Read more...

20 comments 423 views
Submitted by
Jef Front
Corruption in Southern Cape

Advocate Francois Human has exposed various incidents of corruption, bribery, intimidation, political plots and schemes that makes the Mafia look like amateurs. Read more...

4 comments 130 views
Submitted by
Johnny McIntyre
Sticking your head in the dagga

The war on drugs has been raging on for a few decades to no avail. Drug use, especially cannabis, is at an all time high and continuing to grow as increased enforcement efforts seem to have no effect.  Read more...

26 comments 1724 views
Submitted by
Legens Monspubis
Religion should remain in all sch...

Children should be exposed to all religions , both current and past. It should be taught to them on an even basis and particular emphasis should be placed on its history.  Read more...

142 comments 1103 views
Submitted by
Percy_Makholwa
Mazrui and the South African serv...

As much as Ali Mazrui saw in West Africa, the problem of western appetites without complementing and satiating western technologies, the same comparison could easily be made in urban SA. Read more...

3 comments 173 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Save up to R1000 on Hisense smartphones!

View the large range of Hisense smartphones. Buy today and save up to R1000!

Deal of the week!

Save R1200 on the Samsung 48” smart full HD LED television now only R8799. Buy now!

Toys 4 for the price of 3

Buy 4 toys and get the cheapest FREE! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Mind blowing prices – As seen on TV

Get mind blowing prices on 1000’s of products! Shop now.

Save 20% on Nivea beauty products!

Buy any two Nivea beauty products and save 20%. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.