Brandon Faber, News24 User
If you cannot see through the latest tactic by our ruling roosters then you, my friend, are as thick as the thickest belly in Thickens Ville.
Right now you are probably planning a trip to India or Thailand, saintly oblivious - grinning at yourself in the mirror as the toy monkey on your head repeatedly bashes copper cymbals to the beat of Umshini Wami.
You are no doubt a local soapie watcher, enjoy music from the Jonas Brothers and really, truly, madly believe that that is "not all" when the Verimark dude sells you a dicer-slicer-thingymagic.
Yes, you are what's wrong with this world because you, today, are thinking to yourself how nice the ANC have been this week and that, in the end of the day, we really should forgive - but most importantly, forget.
All of a sudden the ANC is sorry. It's so sorry, in fact, that it even managed to force "the infant" to go on radio and dribble semi-coherent apology for being such a vacuous soul.
Now it admits to "taking the electorate" for granted. Now it admits to "losing touch with its roots". Now - and only now with the threat of a gatvol revolt, are they sorry.
Not only that but the dear Creator has also been called into action again by The Reverend. "South Africa is a country based on the rules and principals of God," says the man who wants to be king.
"When all of us take office in government? we raise our right hand and indeed pronounce? so help me God."
It really is a double whammy brothers and sisters. "Humble apology" on the one hand, God on the other - "please forgive, forget and giveth unto us another chance".
It's the sort of tactic we've seen from American evangelists after getting caught with their pants around their ankles and two 16-year-old Mexican prostitutes.
It's the kind of thing I half expect George W Bush to say: "Well yes, I did make monumental errors in judgment, ignoring advice, dumping my country in a phenomenal mess... but, hey, please forgive me - the bible tells you so."
That's not all
Do me a favour. Cry me a river. Play me another song. Make mine a double Skipper. Beam me up Scotty. Phone home ET. Take me to a happy place Peter Pan? what bull. What merciless drivel. What nonsensical grasping at straws, for heaven's sake.
If you buy this boloney then I am going to give you an account number into which you can deposit R20 a month. For your donation I guarantee, GUARANTEE, ladies and gentlemen, that you will not be abducted by aliens (not the Zimbabwean kind, real ones) until at least 2050.
This same insurance also covers the rest of your family at no extra charge. But wait, THAT IS NOT ALL. No, actually, it is.
Feel free to contact me at brandon4president@gmail.com for account details and a free copy of my international best-seller, God's gone fishing and will not be back soon - try locating your honest bone and do the right thing for once - you plank.
It's a real page turner. I promise.
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