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The Third Wors
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Steve Hofmeyr is jealous

04 February 2010, 09:15  - The Third Wors
"I did not have sexual relations with that mule."

Although, if I have to admit, it was a rather attractive mule. Long face, firm thighs, just a little tuft of hair on the chin - like the bearded lady from Kazakhstan's national circus...only with less emotional baggage.

Speaking of circus:

"Good morning citizens, how are you feeling today?"

Rumour has it that the collective forehead slap of the nation could be heard as far north as little England, where an envious Gordon Brown is strongly contemplating immigrating to the land of fornication and faux pas. Not only is the weather kak where he hails from but, if he has to be honest with himself, Gordon couldn't get a dishcloth to share a bed with him, never mind enjoy the warm comforts of a state-run brothel.

Bill Clinton too must be wondering what he did to deserve being shown the door after only one (reported) indiscretion in the hallowed hallways of the White House. Again I don't blame the man for straying from the path as I believe exploiting the wise teachings of the Kama Sutra with a battle axe in the shape and form of Hillary must be a life-threatening exercise. I bet she's the kind of specimen that tries to eat her lover afterwards.

I said "afterwards".

Luckily for "the prez" there's no such worries here in the land that God made with both hands tied behind his (or her) back. "Let there be mamparras" the creator said and *poof*, we arrived en masse - offering the world a whole new strain of hang-ups, chips on shoulders and blinding stupidity.

I don't blame Reverend Zuma for wanting to shag everything in sight. Like the ruling party I place the blame squarely on the broad shoulders of the media. How dare they report the truth as it is? How dare they disrespect "an elder"? How dare they insult "our father" by pointing out the fallible nature of the country's most famous philanderer?

Of course we should turn a blind eye when public figures make tits of themselves...err, the problem is this class: Once you become a public figure with stakeholders in your image and your lifestyle is paid for by the public status you hold, your private life is no longer your private life. Just ask Tiger Woods, Cigar-man Clinton, Richard Nixon, French president Nicolas Sarkozy and so on.

When the public figure habitually makes a maparra of himself you can bet bottom dollar that endorsements will fly out of the window, as those companies forking out the bucks do not want the newly created flawed image impacting on their brand.

And that's what we have here.

Brand South Africa has to answer for these brazen presidential booty calls.

This nation wants to stand as an example of African excellence and offer some moral compass for the rest of this continent to follow...but the man who is supposed to take the lead in portraying South Africa as the forward-thinking example of what life in this Union could be - is busy "befriending" half the country.

I bet Steve Hofmeyr is jealous.

Nah my comrades. There's a right way for a leader to behave and a wrong way. We simply cannot condone this nonsense; we just cannot respect this man.

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