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21 June 2013, 18:32

‘One Checkers?! Au, au, au, you’re not serious about the struggle, bra!’

‘Hau, Bra Ronald, where do you think I must get more?’

Ronald Lamola looked pityingly at this sorry excuse for a Youth League member. ‘Where? From the Portaloos that the reactionary DA have erected to undermine the ANC and oppress the people, that’s where!’

‘Eh eh eh, Bra Ronald, eh eh eh! This belongs from my family, that’s why I’ve got a Checkers full, but now you want me to dig out the pooh from other peoples?!’ He shook his head vehemently from side to side. ‘It is a good thing to throw pooh at Helen Zille and the DA, but why we must collect pooh from other peoples?’ He held up the bag. ‘This Checkers is full of my family’s pooh from the whole week. If the other Youth League members worked as hard as I did this week, we would all have a Checkerses full!’

Ronald sighed deeply with feigned patience. ‘How do you think we will get a two turds majority if everybody doesn’t work like they supposed to? Helen Zille must RUN when she sees us! She must know that she cannot oppress the people anymore, and we will destroy all the houses and toilets she builds, to show the people what is democracy. Do you want democracy, Hlompo?’

Hlompo looked angrily at Ronald. ‘This is not right, Bra Ronald: you know I want democracy, that is why I collected the pooh, but when I bring it to you, you pooh-pooh what I do and you say it is not enough! Who pulled down the enclosed toilets in 2011? Who threw pooh on Helen Zille’s car? Me! I did it! And you say I don’t want democracy?’

Ronald put his hands on Hlompo’s shoulders and said, ‘Hlompo, you can be a big man like Floyd or Julius, with your own farms and Breitlings, but you must put in more effort. One Checkers is not effort.’

Hlompo’s shoulders sagged: he knew when he was beaten. ‘How many Checkerses do you want?’

‘Bring me ten, then we can shower them in pooh. We will show the people of the Western Cape what is the meaning of freedom! Too long they have been oppressed by this Apartheid DA with their BRT and bicycle lanes for the rich whites. Amandla!’

Hlompo turned disconsolately away. He was going to have to get his children to dig the pooh out of the Portaloos. He was a man of standing in the community; it would not be good for him to be seen digging in the Portaloos.

‘Hey Hlompo!’ Hlompo turned back to look at Ronald. ‘Here in the Western Cape it is easy. We just go to the Portaloos. Lebogang has to send his guys to the long drops; that is much worse, but they don’t cry. They know that if they don’t throw enough pooh at Helen Zille, the people will think she’s special and vote for the DA.’

‘Ya, okay,’ said Hlompo, slightly mollified.

‘Not only that, they have to get some more for Julius Malema’s trial! When he goes into court, he’s going to raises a big stink!’

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